Liver Diease and where did I get it from

This is my story!!

 

This is my story that I feel needs to be told to all who have addictions, no matter what they maybe. Alcohol, Drugs, or whatever. Mine is Alcohol. Did a lot of drugs but alcohol was my favorite choice. I’ve been drinking for most of my life, I’m 60 now so it’s been going on for at least 50 years. It was just 11 years ago that I started feeling bad. Bad enough to see a Doctor. At first sight The Doctor said he thought I had Cirrhosis of the Liver. My stomach was loaded with fluid that needed to be drained. The Doctor set me an appointment to have the drain be done. Well it needed done another two times eventually. I weighed over 300 pounds and afterwards the 3 drains I had dropped over 60 pounds and felt a lot better. Had to start taking water pills to keep the fluid under control.

 

With Liver disease there are things you must do to keep alive. The Liver won’t process Proteins. This if not you get constipated.  This causes high amounts of ammonia to enter the blood system. If nothings done you can and will go unconscious, even go into a coma. That happened to me once but never again. I made that promise to myself. That almost could have killed me.

 

Soon afterwards, before I knew it I was on a bucket full of medicines. I take them all once or twice a day. One is taken three times a day. Life now is not so free as it used to be. Big Bummer!!!

 

I really want others that drink daily as I did, and step back and remember this one thing, I once was full of life and it’s been taken away for good. Transplants are possible but a MELD score as low as mine it would have to be higher. It must be bad and high enough to be put on a waiting list. So my wanting a transplant is not likely possible ever, and that’s good for me because transplants are difficult and are not guaranteed.

 

As far as I know I must stop any type of alcohol what so ever. If I stick to my guns and stop the drink, I could live a rather long life. That’s the goal in this game of life.

 

I made a phone call today and spoke to the person who’s in charge of the  inpatint to a rehap program at the VAMC, communally known here in Dayton as the Veteran Administration Medical Center. I’m so stuck on drinking. Now that I am ready to be treated for Alcohism, not alcohol was ism, and since I had cured of the drink for nearly 9 years should show anybody that they have a drinking problem. First time I became sober I did it all by myself. No one to this day believes me, but that’s what I did. Now’s the time stop hurting myself and my liver disease.

 

Today is Saturday so I’ve not picked up and drank anything for 5 days and the cravings are but all gone and that is not progress. There is hope that I’ll never pick up the juice ever again, but all I have is a 24 hour token. Been trying for a 30 day token since November 6, 2015. It’s hard to just stop drinking.

 

Here’s a small secret, get right with GOD and there is going to be hope. This is a MUST. Get right with our true father with true honest prayer. Would stay with this preaching but I do believe this is the only way to simply live life every single day. Keep things as simple as possible one day at a time.

 

I’ve been holding back some what, things are in fact on a downward spiral. It’s not like I’m getting depressed or anything. I’ve just got so many pots on the stove sort of speak. I need this blockage in my Urinary Tract fixed. Plus my hip is supposed to be replaced but I have to get the pee thing fixed and not until. Dental work needs to be done before I can take some kind of medicine for my bones to get harder. At this point almost all my teeth have been pulled today which is free at the VAMC. Dentures will be done at a cost but I was smart a few years ago and got dental insurance, not sure how much it will be but I will get them and smile again. Then there’s the rehabilitation for alcoholism. I have to do this right now because I don’t want to die of liver disease.

 

This is way to hard to forget. My father died at 46 years old of this same liver disease. I hated my dad because he was an alcoholic, same for my mom only she lived till she was 80. Lost her back a year ago and Loved her. Dad was classified as genius and a war veteran. He acted like he was a perfectionus. To him no job was to good enough and I could be better and faster at everything I was told to do. Anyway as it is today and being the oldest of three, I had to make all dads arrangements to bury him. I can admit that I did good!! Sometimes I amaze myself. Dad’s death went off with out a hitch. He received all the military honors. He is buried in St Petersburg, Florida where he wanted.

 

I, in the Air Force left for England 3 months later. Spend 3 years on a regular 2 year tour, so being married I had my choice to extend my tour to have the Government ship my house hold items and my 1974 Pinto. I’d like to revisit England but I couldn’t afford that. Especially when I can’t work and not seeing combat I’m forced to live on a non-VA pension and that my friends is just covering my bills each month. Yes that is all the truth.

 

My military career took me first San Antonio Texas then Denver Colorado, then Tampa Florida, then to RAF Lakenheath England  were my wife and I spent for 3 years. Learning about responsibility living with my wife was rather easy. The bad thing was I had really started up my drinking. It was most likely an inherited disease that I have now. No one could keep up with me drinking wise. That continuous drinking got me where I am today. I have good days and bad days. I just never know until I get in bed at night how the day was.

 

It’s another day and I got to thinking about about my time in England and a trip I took to Wales. I and a mate friend I’ll call Jack for reasons of privacy, Was asked to escort a shipment of munitions from Wales, to our assigned base, RAFLakenheath AFB in northern England, about 60 miles north of London. So me and Jack boarded a train out of London. Destination Wales, to the shipping port of call. There while on to train there, me and Jack drank a lot and passed out, sleeping through our stop. Had to back track to our stop. Hang over from hell. However we got to port and watched the munitions get loaded onto two tractor trailers. Then when they were loaded we received communications that a fire was intenualy set on that ship that we’d just loaded onto the trucks. The IRA owned up a said they were responsible for the incident. We were on the road for 10 hours. I admit that I was scared the whole way back just wondering if a bomb was going to detinate.

 

That trip turned into a real buzz kill. I could tell you a lot more stories if you want! I’ll give out my email address and You can ask anything. The purpose for this story is to help others to achieve SOBRITY. That all I can do for someone that needs help. Talking about our problems is key. The more we know about our disease helps us to get sober. Trust me because I know what I’ve done by myself and hard work makes us be a better person.

 

Drinking can be inherited, at least it for me I am sure of it. Both of my parents were alcoholics and subsequently I was born with it and I will always be a alcoholic and that’s a big ole fact. It’s ruined a otherwise good man. If I get sober again, this time I better stay with the program or die.

 

Today will be the same as yesterday because of my disease. About all I can do is to set a schedule but even writing down my daily tasks it won’t get done completely. I usually sit down in front of the TV or the computer. I’m a geek at both! I still communicate with friends I was stationed with in England. Their all aware of my disease because I told them. Want to be going to a meeting place some where but no set place now, yet. We guys live all across nation so I hope we get something set up soon.

 

Let me tell about my Urinary problem okay. It was back in 2008 when I was admitted in Emergency Room with a ammonia problem or something else but I was asked to give a urine sample and I could not pee (urinate). They put in a catheter and sent me home. 3 days later I went back and ask if they would take it out. Bear in mind that I also had a incontinent issue so I couldn’t understand why I couldn’t give a Urine sample. I thought that was rather crazy to me. Every time I go anywhere I was peeing and couldn’t hold it at all. My pants would get soaked. I took showers like 3 times a day. Anyway I asked if they did it for other reasons why. Next day I had a Blatter so full I had to go right back to get the catheter back in. Well the nurses and Dr tried but could get it in. I was bleeding mighty bad so they had me go by ambulance to another private hospital and they got one installed. I immediately was filling catheter bags instantly. Had to return for a check up and was told that I would have to have a supre pubic catheter. It takes some kind of surgery to install but it works now but it’s been about 8 years of monthly changes and I am going to get a blockage removed and that takes a Urologist who’s certified to do reconstruction work to fix this problem. Hope it goes well the very first time because I am real close to cussing someone out if it doesn’t work out.

 

I need to be focused and positive about things in my life but some days I get in a corner and say nothing. It’s not good for me to just say nothing.  I’m a talker however but some days are better than others you know what I’m saying? Trust in my higher power has to get in motion every single day and when I just sit and pray things look a lot better than they were. That way you will be happy not sad or depressed. Doing this I will be happy and a feeling that I’ve accomplished a promise to myself and I feel good.

 

Today is day 8 of no alcohol and I must put off my addiction just one more day. I need to call someone to rid myself not to go out and make a purchase  of any kind of alcohol  and the key to put off another day. There’s a lot of people I can call for help, it’s me picking up the 900 pound phone and call someone… It’s pretty hard to admit this but some times it is really hard to escape the drink because I’ve done so many bad things in my life time.

 

When I was 6 my parents had a humdinger of a argument that came down to someone had be the winner or loser. Dad threatened to kill my  mom with a butcher knife and actually cut her bad enough to get attention. They got divorced in the end. Being the oldest it was hard to make the property of mom or dad. Mom’s mother came to pick my mother and took home with her. Grandma had a house in Dayton and I liked the farm we had so never the less we chose dad over mom. I again the older of three (little brother and sister) put me in charge while he worked. By the time I turned 17 I decided I had enough of dad’s shit. He would beat us and I know now that that’s not right at all. I talked to the local Air Force recruiter. I took the GED test and pasted it the very first time. A month later was in San Antonio Texas in Feb 27th 1973. I don’t know if drinking was legal. Didn’t even matter on base so for two weeks I experienced my first hang over’s. Dizziness to say the least… See when orders were given out I didn’t get any orders so I had two weeks of up to

Plenty of no good drinking at the base bowling alley.

 

Received orders to report to Lowey AFB in Denver Colorado for tech school learning all about munitions. Mostly storage and handling. Running fork lifts and all. Mostly convental but eventually I handled Nuclear weapons. Scary shit but I dealt with these thoughts of something killing me. If all was done correctly everything was okay!! If is a big word.

 

After 5 & a half years though made me think about staying and do the 20 years so I could receive a healthy pension and be 37 years old but I tried getting cross trained into anything else and was told I could not qualify. So I convinced myself to take my honorable discharge and say (kiss my ass) and move on.

 

Well I came back home to the Dayton area for 2 months of living at different houses of other relatives and got the idea to learn more about motorcycle repair. I stuck with it and found and enrolled to the motorcycle school in Chicago for three months. Got the diploma to prove it. Probably never find it because of all the moving around from one address to another. Learned pretty quickly because while growing up dad bought many motorcycles and so we had to repair these bundles of joy if we wanted to ride and eventually race them also. Dad made enough money that if our bikes needed repair, he’d buy the parts IF we would fix them. What a deal and he would buy tools that were necessary. Fixed a lot of second gear problems.

 

Today I have been sober for 12 Days on my own. I broke my string of 9 years of sobriety. I want to think I was still grieving my moms death, or was the reason. I am not sure that’s what caused it, I hope it was something else. I broke that sobriety two month’s after my mom’s funeral. Today is day 12 that I have not picked up anything containing alcohol and that is good. Todays date is February 17th, 2016. Gotta make it!!

 

Now here’s my problem today. I’ve made several attempts To contact the people that I need for reason to get a Urologist to check my catheter for a leak that’s been leaking that  I know has stopped. I Have done all that’s required of me and there’s nothing else I can do physically. I don’t know what these people expect  of me. Going to take a break now because I bought 3 cocktails tonight so there goes my string once again, my bad. The problem and is I may or may not return. Later People I wish you all, the best.

 

Day 3 without a drink, another Saturday, want to work around the house. Lots needing tended to, we have a bedroom we call “the brown room” and it’s been a catch all these past two years. That would be a great start and if it gets finished, I’ll have to go out and eat something. Being sober has it’s ups plus I have the extra time now and that gives me the hope I so desperately need and time better spent.

 

I think some kind of hobby would get my drunken mind might just get motivated me taking mind over the drink, don’t know unless I try it right. I sure need something because I am going to loose my future mate. That scares me! I was married once and drinking caused the divorce. I can not relive that again. Guess what I’m saying is that if I take this scared feeling and stop it while I still have time to fix this. Believe I see the light at the end of the tunnel. Why do I want to drink till I drop? I’ve fallen a few times, breaking bones all because I don’t handle the consumption of three beers much less the hard stuff. I just can’t handle it, anymore. That’s my only choice now Putting the plug in the jug. I’ve not had a drink now for 5 days and I want to stop and since the inpatient rehab is not in my future because the VA isn’t going to help me unless I travel to see the Urologist seeing me in Columbus, 120 miles away. I live less than 2 miles from the VA. Doesn’t make any sense to me what so ever.

 

Todays Friday, have a appointment with my Prime Care Doctor and have a list for him. Way to many of my RX medicine that I’ve got to get refills that I have to have. Sorta blew off this Urologist in Columbus and the inpatient for recoverery of  my Diseased Liver. I’m going to try to recover on my own so there it is and on paper that I can do this. Wish me luck!!!

 

Well here’s what I have to say that it was very impressive. Got Broncise about 3 weeks ago and I founded out I still have it. So I needed a antibody  and Steroids then go home and take a dose as soon as I got something to eat. So after eating I take the medicine and get very sleepy. Took my, in fact I fixed a double dose and couldn’t get to sleep still. EPIK, It’s a great channel that I watch from time, depending on my mental issues. Today is Friday the 26th just before midnight.

 

Of other relatives and got the idea to learn more about motorcycle repair. I stuck with it and found and enrolled to the motorcycle school in Chicago for three months. Got the diploma to prove it. Probably never find it because of all the moving around from one address to another. Learned pretty quickly because while growing up dad bought many motorcycles and so we had to repair these bundles of joy if we wanted to ride and eventually race them also. Dad made enough money that if our bikes needed repair, he’d buy the parts IF we would fix them. What a deal and he would buy tools that were necessary. Fixed a lot of second gear problems.

 

Today I have been sober for 12 Days on my own. I broke my string of 9 years of sobriety. I want to think I was still grieving my moms death, or was the reason. I am not sure that’s what caused it, I hope it was something else. I broke that sobriety two month’s after my mom’s funeral. Today is day 12 that I have not picked up anything containing alcohol and that is good. Todays date is February 17th, 2016. Gotta make it!!

 

Now here’s my problem today. I’ve made several attempts To contact the people that I need for reason to get a Urologist to check my catheter for a leak that’s been leaking that  I know has stopped. I Have done all that’s required of me and there’s nothing else I can do physically. I don’t know what these people expect  of me. Going to take a break now because I bought 3 cocktails tonight so there goes my string once again, my bad. The problem and is I may or may not return. Later People I wish you all, the best.

I think some kind of hobby would get my drunken mind might just get motivated me taking mind over the drink, don’t know unless I try it right. I sure need something because I am going to loose my future mate. That scares me! I was married once and drinking caused the divorce. I can not relive that again. Guess what I’m saying is that if I take this scared feeling and stop it while I still have time to fix this. Believe I see the light at the end of the tunnel. Why do I want to drink till I drop? I’ve fallen a few times, breaking bones all because I don’t handle the consumption of three beers much less the hard stuff. I just can’t handle it, anymore. That’s my only choice now Putting the plug in the jug. I’ve not had a drink now for 5 days and I want to stop and since the inpatient rehab is not in my future because the VA isn’t going to help me unless I travel to see the Urologist seeing me in Columbus, 120 miles away. I live less than 2 miles from the VA. Doesn’t make any sense to me what so ever.

Todays Friday, have a appointment with my Prime Care Doctor and have a list for him. Way to many of my RX medicine that I’ve got to get refills that I have to have. Sorta blew off this Urologist in Columbus and the inpatient for recoverery of  my Diseased Liver. I’m going to try to recover on my own so there it is and on paper that I can do this. Wish me luck!!!

Well here’s what I have to say that it was very impressive. Got Broncise a about 3 weeks ago and I founded out I still have it. So I needed a antibody  and Steroids then go home and take a dose as soon as I got something to eat. So after eating I take the medicine and get very sleepy. Took my, in fact I fixed a double dose and couldn’t get to sleep still. EPIK, It’s a great channel that I watch from time, depending on my mental issues. Today is Friday the 26th just before midnight.

anybody lessons to what I am to helping others, to just take a serious enough to do something I’ve said because it’s me, and I want to help others period. Smoking is as bad for us, started the Nicorette CQ 21mg patches.  Only smoked some 10 cigarettes. That is good for me. If I stop period I will get a lot done medically like getting all my teeth removed and pricing dentures. Also get my hammer toe that the surgeon would not touch unless I flat stop smoking. And then get my hip replaced along with my Urinary surgery, I feel safer. The backache I can  live with, for now. I’m really looking forward to my longer lasting life and that’s what I have to do. All for my girlfriend. This is a must for the two of us. My first marriage of 22 years because I was impodent. And I could not get it up. Makes the lady feel like I didn’t want her. That wasn’t the problem, it was me. Peeing was even difficult. The pee was so dark it made a mess of a toilet. I’d really felt the pain just urinating. Embarrassed me for life. I’ll never forget it. Life to me is like box of chocolates still remember those days. Wish I could start all over. I didn’t even  share a tear for the dad I hated my dad, he’s why I went in the Air Force in 1973 didn’t even finish High School, what a drag that was. Only problem now is that’s where I got the habit, drinking!! I Started something I could not stop. What  a unforgiving heart for anybody? I can remember that day. I came home to a telephone ring from the hospital saying that I needed to sign some papers regarding my dads expired condition. He was like on display with the blinds were wide open and a sheet covering his face. It was awful to see and hear. He experienced a great excitement to see him but again he was dead. Thus no tears of any kind. Going home was almost dreadful. Tomorrow will be okay if I keep on keep on keeping on.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Todays the 29th and I have to say- What a wonderful day full of nice things to say. I’m starting to see the light at the end of the end of the tunnel. Starting a over the counter medicine, Omega XL and it’s blowing my mind. This after only 1 week! Hope this is getting anybody lessons to what I am to helping others, to just take a serious enough to do something I’ve said because it’s me, and I want to help others period. Smoking is as bad for us, started the Nicorette CQ 21mg patches.  Only smoked some 10 cigarettes. That is good for me. If I stop period I will get a lot done medically like getting all my teeth removed and pricing dentures. Also get my hammer toe that the surgeon would not touch unless I flat stop smoking. And then get my hip replaced along with my Urinary surgery, I feel safer. The backache I can  live with, for now. I’m really looking forward to my longer lasting life and that’s what I have to do. All for my girlfriend. This is a must for the two of us. My first marriage of 22 years because I was impodent. And I could not get it up. Makes the lady feel like I didn’t want her. That wasn’t the problem, it was me. Peeing was even difficult. The pee was so dark it made a mess of a toilet. I’d really felt the pain just urinating. Embarrassed me for life. I’ll never forget it. Life to me is like box of chocolates still remember those days. Wish I could start all over. I didn’t even  share a tear for the dad I hated my dad, he’s why I went in the Air Force in 1973 didn’t even finish High School, what a drag that was. Only problem now is that’s where I got the habit, drinking!! I Started something I could not stop. What  a unforgiving heart for anybody? I can remember that day. I came home to a telephone ring from the hospital saying that I needed to sign some papers regarding my dads expired condition. He was like on display with the blinds were wide open and a sheet covering his face. It was awful to see and hear. He experienced a great excitement to see him but again he was dead. Thus no tears of any kind. Going home was almost dreadful. Tomorrow will be okay if I keep on keep on keeping on.

 

Yes I’m so sincere for tomorrow will be better for now on. It’s almost 4:30 am this early Monday and I can get some sleep in.

 

Another day, another dollar I say. Got 5 hours of sleep time and I’m ready to start something to increase my skills  straight.

 

Okay now this is without doubt I’ve done it again time, I’ve picked up yet another can of an alcohol drink. Hay but it’s true. I’m a weak bastered that can not think of what I’m doing to myself and that is why I am talking to all of you now. Once you start it can be over copermizing. It’s then that you can not say to yourself STOP!!! Been there and did it and bought the T shirt plus the diploma by myself believe me. Only just saying that the day turned out awful. Feeling guilty is the game of the day. Started up a new medicine and also over the counter, Omega XL and it works and worth the money well spent. The hip pain is all but gone away. Permanently I am hoping. It’s probably a bottle of holy water or snake oil. However I give it A+ and again money well spent. TA! My mom died 1 year ago and it has to be the reason behind the picking up one more time. I’m convinced! It’s one more time, the glue that holds me together. Nothing good happens again. I’m a alcoholic… That’s all. Now I was scheduled to be an inpatient at the VA for rehab. It’ not going to happen now that I have been sort of a bad boy that don’t take orders easy like. My catheter was leaking urine and until I take myself to Columbus, they wouldn’t take me on. Pitty on all that poop. Forgetting it fixed by myself and my health care nurse received over sized catheters, twice over and that was the problem and fixed it. Still I get offed the list forever more. Now meetings are a thing of the past. All of been deleted from my mind. That’s never good. Listening to recovering alcoholics tell the story’s of them self, their over comings just set me off the wrong path. 

Keeping right keeps me straight. This is a have to be. One screw up and it’s over. 

 

Now it’s 6:50 am on Tuesday March first I have to pay off a cash advance by borrowing 200 dollars with interest a total of 231 dollars out of my pocket one more time. All after Christmas. Do it  over again. I make just a little bit over a $1000 and I’m broke most months. I give $500 for rent here so it’s like all the time broke. Thinking about a vacation in the Bahamas and that’s going to be very hard to do. Sometimes it’s hard to be thinking straight to myself. Like today I have to catch a bus to pay this advance back. The trip takes me about an hour each way. It’s a must because I’ll get calls telling me to pay this off today. Ida will hate it but I do have a cell phone that works. I have to do this to keep my credit bad. Improving myself takes time. Watching  the walking dead is on demand and that’s how I catch up. It was  wrestling last night. I’m hooked okay. Talked with a buddy of my UK adventure, the one who rode with me to Wales to escort munitions back to our station. 

 

Now back to yesterday, it All this is going well until I make my first stop. It’s raining now and the wind is blowing up a storm.. I notice that I’m not only wet but also cold. Walking in the rain without a jacket is like something a bull without horns. I’m using the walker supplied to me from the VA and I’ve had this since Jesus wore sandals, shoot I have racked maybe a million miles on this piece of metal, brakes are gone, and yet I like this walker 100%. If I don’t make any sense it’s because I am sick. Seriously sick. I’m strong minded and when I make a planed trip I will finish it. Ended up at my brothers house, spent a good hour and he took me home. It was sort of dumb of me but I didn’t see the weather forecast this day so now the bronchitis thing is worse. Sometimes I’m like that, wish I could stop thinking like I’m superman.

Alright readers, it’s time to get down with the nitty gritty. All we’ve learned it’s time that recess is over and no more play. Sorry but this is a serious matter here. I’m convinced that alcohol is passed on from the source. In my case from my father and mother. I experienced it all first hand. After years went by it only got worth the better person. In nearly no time I could drink anyone under the table. Professional I was. I drank daily for the buzz. I felt the best under the influence. Stronger I was, where today I’m the weakest one. Lonely and unsecured is my problem. Nobody made or forced me to drink. That’s the Gods honest truly. Some days I truly hate myself myself to death. So I must be stronger than ever. My kids and grandkids need me to stick around because we love one another. Can’t have recess to continue my story. Has to be one or the other and that’s it. I chose to stick around and that is what keeps me going.

I have two children, a girl and a boy. Both have there kids and do alright for themselves. I had chosen to write this some time ago, even years ago really. I love to be putting my thoughts on paper, it makes me feel like I’m accomplishing my dream.. Letting others know what I KNOW!! I’ve been overseas, several different states but never Hawaii. Dayton and raised until I turned 17, old enough to join the service. Decided the Air Force so it was time to make a change over the 17 years old houseman that I was. Joined up on the 23rd of February 1973. Flew to San Antonio Texas for my basic training. Contrary to what I though it was a hell hole. Wanted to break a leg so I could whimp out of the training. It was a bit more than I was expecting. I did get a body out of it. Lost a few pounds and gained muscles and I was indeed fit and ready for anything that got in my way.

I was not a trouble maker, just one that had many parties. BYB was the only rule. Today the only thing I ammplished was wash the dishes and cook. Nothing that happened was a good work out. Physical fitness is a have to everyday. If I do this it’s going to make me think positive in everything I do to get done. I love everything that includes me!! All I accomplished besides the house work, was watch TV. Love watching movies! Seems to increase my attention for the good. Puzzles work good, cards are good and it all makes a difference. I can honestly say it all works, keeping substances out of the mind. It will work for anyone who has the strength to keep on keeping on for 1 day at a time. Give this message near to your heart and you will believe it will most defiantly. I want you to help your self everyday. You will not fail. Promise!!!

This morning Ida has problems with her right eye. It’s glued shut.

I’m about through writing but if an idea should pop up, I’ll be sure to pass it along. Might have mentioned this but I want this working for the whole wide world to achieve their own inabilities to achieve their own addictions and be free from all that’s not good for anyone. Even the straight ones from all the no goods. It’s been gratifying to do this for me and so good luck in your ventures forever. So I will take her to see her eye Doctor maybe as early as tomorrow. I have to work on getting my respect back on my side. I lost the relationship with my then wife and I can’t do again. “NEVER”. I’ve learned that a woman needs love and compassion if it’s going to happen forever. Including sex and that’s always good, a never forever if we want it. Marriage is a sacred thing and it will work for everyone if you want it. The babies will come and you’ll be loved and gain self confidence plus respect. As I have spent on writing this post, I don’t really get to check my email. Just don’t get around to check it as I simply ignore it I guess.

Anyway life’s a great joy everyday now that I not drinking today..

It is about time to switch gears.. I was as I said in the beginning, I was diagnostic with my Disease back in 1998 in Atlanta. I was treated there at the VA for a hernia repair a few months earlier before I found the bad news. Scared me for sure!!! So when I was seen by the GI department and was told to stop drinking plus given meds for my condition. Weeks went by turning into months. The DRS would always ask me if I had stopped drinking. Of course I’d say yes. They could smell it though and say “no you have not”. Busted slap cold period.. The meds had good effects but I would keep on drinking I wasn’t going to get any better. I did say to myself, “that makes a lot of sense”. However being stubborn all my life I just ignored the warnings. It eventually lost me great job I loved. 3 weeks later my brother and sister come down from Dayton to see I could do anything for myself. Took me two full years to get it through my brain that I had a problem that I HAD to fix and after a broken hip, I felt pain for the first time in  my life. Really that’s the nitty gritty. Got sober for one month and fell off the wagon. That is a low feeling bar none. Tried it once more on July 14, 2006 and stayed sober nearly 9 years which prompted me to say something now because there are a lot of people that will find out by themselves. I want to give my experience with the evil drink. If my siblings had not picked me (and my family except ours only son) I know I would have surely died. So now I’ll make note that I owe my brother a sister my life. I MEAN THAT. So if your like myself and have some issues with ADDICTIONS of any kind, please get help!! There are so many solutions that pertain to these issues.

This morning Ida was talking about adopting a boy age mid teens. I had not even dreamed of this. But now I’d be interested in such a challenge. I tried and think I was a good parent to my two. They enjoyed growing up and we ATVs. Sure they got hurt a few times but then started rubbing the boos away, just as I did growing up.

Yea I’m starting to really think this over. Being in my 60s I sure this will work. Getting a wee bit anxious for tomorrow after I check it out on-line. Fact is I’m going to do this tonight. Tell you all tomorrow what I find out. 

Of the other relatives and got the idea to learn more about motorcycle repair. I stuck with it and found and enrolled to the motorcycle school in Chicago for three months. Got the diploma to prove it. Probably never find it because of all the moving around from one address to another. Learned pretty quickly because while growing up dad bought many motorcycles and so we had to repair these bundles of joy if we wanted to ride and eventually race them also. Dad made enough money that if our bikes needed repair, he’d buy the parts IF we would fix them. What a deal and he would buy tools that were necessary. Fixed a lot of second gear problems.

 

                                      

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

.

 

 

Today I have been sober for 12 Days on my own. I broke my string of 9 years of sobriety. I want to think I was still grieving my moms death, or was the reason. I am not sure that’s what caused it, I hope it was something else. I broke that sobriety two month’s after my mom’s funeral. Today is day 12 that I have not picked up anything containing alcohol and that is good. Todays date is February 17th, 2016. Gotta make it!!

 

Now here’s my problem today. I’ve made several attempts To contact the people that I need for reason to get a Urologist to check my catheter for a leak that’s been leaking that  I know has stopped. I Have done all that’s required of me and there’s nothing else I can do physically. I don’t know what these people expect  of me. Going to take a break now because I bought 3 cocktails tonight so there goes my string once again, my bad. The problem and is I may or may not return. Later People I wish you all, he best

 

Day 3 without a drink, another Saturday, want to work around the house. Lots needing tended to, we have a bedroom we call “the brown room” and it’s been a catch all these past two years. That would be a great start and if it gets finished, I’ll have to go out and eat something. Being sober has it’s ups plus I have the extra time now and that gives me the hope I so desperately need and time better spent.

 

I think some kind of hobby would get my drunken mind might just get motivated me taking mind over the drink, don’t know unless I try it right. I sure need something because I am going to loose my future mate. That scares me! I was married once and drinking caused the divorce. I can not relive that again. Guess what I’m saying is that if I take this scared feeling and stop it while I still have time to fix this. Believe I see the light at the end of the tunnel. Why do I want to drink till I drop? I’ve fallen a few times, breaking bones all because I don’t handle the consumption of three beers much less the hard stuff. I just can’t handle it, anymore. That’s my only choice now Putting the plug in the jug. I’ve not had a drink now for 5 days and I want to stop and since the inpatient rehab is not in my future because the VA isn’t going to help me unless I travel to see the Urologist seeing me in Columbus, 120 miles away. I live less than 2 miles from the VA. Doesn’t make any sense to me what so ever.

 

Todays Friday, have a appointment with my Prime Care Doctor and have a list for him. Way to many of my RX medicine that I’ve got to get refills that I have to have. Sorta blew off this Urologist in Columbus and the inpatient for recoverery of  my Diseased Liver. I’m going to try to recover on my own so there it is and on paper that I can do this. Wish me luck!!!

 

Well here’s what I have to say that it was very impressive. Got Broncise a about 3 weeks ago and I founded out I still have it. So I needed a antibody  and Steroids then go home and take a dose as soon as I got something to eat. So after eating I take the medicine and get very sleepy. Took my, in fact I fixed a double dose and couldn’t get to sleep still. EPIK, It’s a great channel that I watch from time, depending on my mental issues. Today is Friday the 26th just before midnight.

 

 

 

Todays the 29th and I have to say- What a wonderful day full of nice things to say. I’m starting to see the light at the end of the end of the tunnel. Starting a over the counter medicine, Omega XL and it’s blowing my mind. This after only 1 week! Hope this is getting anybody lessons to what I am to helping others, to just take a serious enough to do something I’ve said because it’s me, and I want to help others period. Smoking is as bad for us, started the Nicorette CQ 21mg patches.  Only smoked some 10 cigarettes. That is good for me. If I stop period I will get a lot done medically like getting all my teeth removed and pricing dentures. Also get my hammer toe that the surgeon would not touch unless I flat stop smoking. And then get my hip replaced along with my Urinary surgery, I feel safer. The backache I can  live with, for now. I’m really looking forward to my longer lasting life and that’s what I have to do. All for my girlfriend. This is a must for the two of us. My first marriage of 22 years because I was impodent. And I could not get it up. Makes the lady feel like I didn’t want her. That wasn’t the problem, it was me. Peeing was even difficult. The pee was so dark it made a mess of a toilet. I’d really felt the pain just urinating. Embarrassed me for life. I’ll never forget it. Life to me is like box of chocolates still remember those days. Wish I could start all over. I didn’t even  share a tear for the dad I hated my dad, he’s why I went in the Air Force in 1973 didn’t even finish High School, what a drag that was. Only problem now is that’s where I got the habit, drinking!! I Started something I could not stop. What  a unforgiving heart for anybody? I can remember that day. I came home to a telephone ring from the hospital saying that I needed to sign some papers regarding my dads expired condition. He was like on display with the blinds were wide open and a sheet covering his face. It was awful to see and hear. He experienced a great excitement to see him but again he was dead. Thus no tears of any kind. Going home was almost dreadful. Tomorrow will be okay if I keep on keep on keeping on.

 

Yes I’m so sincere for tomorrow will be better for now on. It’s almost 4:30 am this early Monday and I can get some sleep in.

 

Another day, another dollar I say. Got 5 hours of sleep time and I’m ready to start something to increase my skills  straight.

 

Okay now this is without doubt I’ve done it again time, I’ve picked up yet another can of an alcohol drink. Hay but it’s true. I’m a weak bastered that can not think of what I’m doing to myself and that is why I am talking to all of you now. Once you start it can be over copermizing. It’s then that you can not say to yourself STOP!!! Been there and did it and bought the T shirt plus the diploma by myself believe me. Only just saying that the day turned out awful. Feeling guilty is the game of the day. Started up a new medicine and also over the counter, Omega XL and it works and worth the money well spent. The hip pain is all but gone away. Permanently I am hoping. It’s probably a bottle of holy water or snake oil. However I give it A+ and again money well spent. TA! My mom died 1 year ago and it has to be the reason behind the picking up one more time. I’m convinced! It’s one more time, the glue that holds me together. Nothing good happens again. I’m a alcoholic… That’s all. Now I was scheduled to be an inpatient at the VA for rehab. It’ not going to happen now that I have been sort of a bad boy that don’t take orders easy like. My catheter was leaking urine and until I take myself to Columbus, they wouldn’t take me on. Pitty on all that poop. Forgetting it fixed by myself and my health care nurse received over sized catheters, twice over and that was the problem and fixed it. Still I get offed the list forever more. Now meetings are a thing of the past. All of been deleted from my mind. That’s never good. Listening to recovering alcoholics tell the story’s of them self, their over comings just set me off the wrong path. 

Keeping right keeps me straight. This is a have to be. One screw up and it’s over. 

 

Now it’s 6:50 am on Tuesday March first I have to pay off a cash advance by borrowing 200 dollars with interest a total of 231 dollars out of my pocket one more time. All after Christmas. Do it  over again. I make just a little bit over a $1000 and I’m broke most months. I give $500 for rent here so it’s like all the time broke. Thinking about a vacation in the Bahamas and that’s going to be very hard to do. Sometimes it’s hard to be thinking straight to myself. Like today I have to catch a bus to pay this advance back. The trip takes me about an hour each way. It’s a must because I’ll get calls telling me to pay this off today. Ida will hate it but I do have a cell phone that works. I have to do this to keep my credit bad. Improving myself takes time. Watching  the walking dead is on demand and that’s how I catch up. It was  wrestling last night. I’m hooked okay. Talked with a buddy of my UK adventure, the one who rode with me to Wales to escort munitions back to our station. 

 

Now back to yesterday, it All this is going well until I make my first stop. It’s raining now and the wind is blowing up a storm.. I notice that I’m not only wet but also cold. Walking in the rain without a jacket is like something a bull without horns. I’m using the walker supplied to me from the VA and I’ve had this since Jesus wore sandals, shoot I have racked maybe a million miles on this piece of metal, brakes are gone, and yet I like this walker 100%. If I don’t make any sense it’s because I am sick. Seriously sick. I’m strong minded and when I make a planed trip I will finish it. Ended up at my brothers house, spent a good hour and he took me home. It was sort of dumb of me but I didn’t see the weather forecast this day so now the bronchitis thing is worse. Sometimes I’m like that, wish I could stop thinking like I’m superman.

 

                                      

 

Alright readers, it’s time to get down with the nitty gritty. All we’ve learned it’s time that recess is over and no more play. Sorry but this is a serious matter here. I’m convinced that alcohol is passed on from the source. In my case from my father and mother. I experienced it all first hand. After years went by it only got worth the better person. In nearly no time I could drink anyone under the table. Professional I was. I drank daily for the buzz. I felt the best under the influence. Stronger I was, where today I’m the weakest one. Lonely and unsecured is my problem. Nobody made or forced me to drink. That’s the Gods honest truly. Some days I truly hate myself myself to death. So I must be stronger than ever. My kids and grandkids need me to stick around because we love one another. Can’t have recess to continue my story. Has to be one or the other and that’s it. I chose to stick around and that is what keeps me going.

 

I have two children, a girl and a boy. Both have there kids and do alright for themselves. I had chosen to write this some time ago, even years ago really. I love to be putting my thoughts on paper, it makes me feel like I’m accomplishing my dream.. Letting others know what I KNOW!! I’ve been overseas, several different states but never Hawaii. Dayton and raised until I turned 17, old enough to join the service. Decided the Air Force so it was time to make a change over the 17 years old houseman that I was. Joined up on the 23rd of February 1973. Flew to San Antonio Texas for my basic training. Contrary to what I though it was a hell hole. Wanted to break a leg so I could whimp out of the training. It was a bit more than I was expecting. I did get a body out of it. Lost a few pounds and gained muscles and I was indeed fit and ready for anything that got in my way.

 

I was not a trouble maker, just one that had many parties. BYB was the only rule. Today the only thing I ammplished was wash the dishes and cook. Nothing that happened was a good work out. Physical fitness is a have to everyday. If I do this it’s going to make me think positive in everything I do to get done. I love everything that includes me!! All I accomplished besides the house work, was watch TV. Love watching movies! Seems to increase my attention for the good. Puzzles work good, cards are good and it all makes a difference. I can honestly say it all works, keeping substances out of the mind. It will work for anyone who has the strength to keep on keeping on for 1 day at a time. Give this message near to your heart and you will believe it will most defiantly. I want you to help your self everyday. You will not fail. Promise!!!

 

This morning Ida has problems with her right eye. It’s glued shut.

 

I’m about through writing but if an idea should pop up, I’ll be sure to pass it along. Might have mentioned this but I want this working for the whole wide world to achieve their own inabilities to achieve their own addictions and be free from all that’s not good for anyone. Even the straight ones from all the no goods. It’s been gratifying to do this for me and so good luck in your ventures forever. So I will take her to see her eye Doctor maybe as early as tomorrow. I have to work on getting my respect back on my side. I lost the relationship with my then wife and I can’t do again. “NEVER”. I’ve learned that a woman needs love and compassion if it’s going to happen forever. Including sex and that’s always good, a never forever if we want it. Marriage is a sacred thing and it will work for everyone if you want it. The babies will come and you’ll be loved and gain self confidence plus respect. As I have spent on writing this post, I don’t really get to check my email. Just don’t get around to check it as I simply ignore it I guess. Anyway life’s a great joy everyday now that I not drinking today..

 

It is about time to switch gears.. I was as I said in the beginning, I was diagnostic with my Disease back in 1998 in Atlanta. I was treated there at the VA for a hernia repair a few months earlier before I found the bad news. Scared me for sure!!! So when I was seen by the GI department and was told to stop drinking plus given meds for my condition. Weeks went by turning into months. The DRS would always ask me if I had stopped drinking. Of course I’d say yes. They could smell it though and say “no you have not”. Busted slap cold period.. The meds had good effects but I would keep on drinking I wasn’t going to get any better. I did say to myself, “that makes a lot of sense”. However being stubborn all my life I just ignored the warnings. It eventually lost me great job I loved. 3 weeks later my brother and sister come down from Dayton to see I could do anything for myself. Took me two full years to get it through my brain that I had a problem that I HAD to fix and after a broken hip, I felt pain for the first time in  my life. Really that’s the nitty gritty. Got sober for one month and fell off the wagon. That is a low feeling bar none. Tried it once more on July 14, 2006 and stayed sober nearly 9 years which prompted me to say something now because there are a lot of people that will find out by themselves. I want to give my experience with the evil drink. If my siblings had not picked me (and my family except ours only son) I know I would have surely died. So now I’ll make note that I owe my brother a sister my life. I MEAN THAT. So if your like myself and have some issues with ADDICTIONS of any kind, please get help!! There are so many solutions that pertain to these issues that there is no return.

 

This morning Ida was talking about adopting a boy age mid teens. I had not even dreamed of this. But now I’d be interested in such a challenge. I tried and think I was a good parent to my two. They enjoyed growing up and we ATVs. Sure they got hurt a few times but then started rubbing the boos away, just as I did growing up.

 

Yea I’m starting to really think this over. Being in my 60s I sure this will work. Getting a wee bit anxious for tomorrow after I check it out on-line. Fact is I’m going to do this tonight. Tell you all tomorrow what I find out. Today’s the 29th and I have to say-What a wonderful day full of nice  things to say. I’m starting to see the light at the end of the end of the tunnel. Starting a over the counter medicine, Omega XL and it’s blowing my mind. This after only 1 week! Hope this is getting anybody lessons to what I am to helping others, to just take a serious enough to do something I’ve said because it’s me, and I want to help others period. Smoking is as bad for us, started the Nicorette CQ 21mg patches.  Only smoked some 10 cigarettes. That is good for me. If I stop period I will get a lot done medically like getting all my teeth removed and pricing dentures. Also get my hammer toe that the surgeon would not touch unless I flat stop smoking. And then get my hip replaced along with my Urinary surgery, I feel safer. The backache I can  live with, for now. I’m really looking forward to my longer lasting life and that’s what I have to do. All for my girlfriend. This is a must for the two of us. My first marriage of 22 years because I was impotent. And I could not get it up. Makes the lady feel like I didn’t want her. That wasn’t the problem, it was me. Peeing was even difficult. The pee was so dark it made a mess of a toilet. I’d really felt the pain just urinating. Embarrassed me for life. I’ll never forget it. Life to me is like box of chocolates still remember those days. Wish I could start all over. I didn’t even  share a tear for the dad I hated my dad, he’s why I went in the Air Force in 1973 didn’t even finish High School, what a drag that was. Only problem now is that’s where I got the habit, drinking!! I Started something I could not stop. What  a unforgiving heart for anybody? I can remember that day. I came home to a telephone ring from the hospital saying that I needed to sign some papers regarding my dads expired condition. He was like on display with the blinds were wide open and a sheet covering his face. It was awful to see and hear. He experienced a great excitement to see him but again he was dead. Thus no tears of any kind. Going home was almost dreadful. Tomorrow will be okay if I keep on keep on keeping on.

 

Yes I’m so sincere for tomorrow will be better for now on. It’s almost 4:30 am this early Monday and I can get some sleep in.

 

Another day, another dollar I say. Got 5 hours of sleep time and I’m ready to start something to increase my skills  straight.

 

Okay now this is without doubt I’ve done it again time, I’ve picked up yet another can of an alcohol drink. Hay but it’s true. I’m a weak bastered that can not think of what I’m doing to myself and that is why I am talking to all of you now. Once you start it can be over copermizing. It’s then that you can not say to yourself STOP!!! Been there and did it and bought the T shirt plus the diploma by myself believe me. Only just saying that the day turned out awful. Feeling guilty is the game of the day. Started up a new medicine and also over the counter, Omega XL and it works and worth the money well spent. The hip pain is all but gone away. Permanently I am hoping. It’s probably a bottle of holy water or snake oil. However I give it A+ and again money well spent. TA! My mom died 1 year ago and it has to be the reason behind the picking up one more time. I’m convinced! It’s one more time, the glue that holds me together. Nothing good happens again. I’m a alcoholic… That’s all. Now I was scheduled to be an inpatient at the VA for rehab. It’ not going to happen now that I have been sort of a bad boy that don’t take orders easy like. My catheter was leaking urine and until I take myself to Columbus, they wouldn’t take me on. Pitty on all that poop. Forgetting it fixed by myself and my health care nurse received over sized catheters, twice over and that was the problem and fixed it. Still I get offed the list forever more. Now meetings are a thing of the past. All of been deleted from my mind. That’s never good. Listening to recovering alcoholics tell the story’s of them self, their over comings just set me off the wrong path. 

Keeping right keeps me straight. This is a have to be. One screw up and it’s over. 

 

Now it’s 6:50 am on Tuesday March first I have to pay off a cash advance by borrowing 200 dollars with interest a total of 231 dollars out of my pocket one more time. All after Christmas. Do it  over again. I make just a little bit over a $1000 and I’m broke most months. I give $500 for rent here so it’s like all the time broke. Thinking about a vacation in the Bahamas and that’s going to be very hard to do. Sometimes it’s hard to be thinking straight to myself. Like today I have to catch a bus to pay this advance back. The trip takes me about an hour each way. It’s a must because I’ll get calls telling me to pay this off today. Ida will hate it but I do have a cell phone that works. I have to do this to keep my credit bad. Improving myself takes time. Watching  the walking dead is on demand and that’s how I catch up. It was  wrestling last night. I’m hooked okay. Talked with a buddy of my UK adventure, the one who rode with me to Wales to escort munitions back to our station. 

 

Now back to yesterday, it All this is going well until I make my first stop. It’s raining now and the wind is blowing up a storm.. I notice that I’m not only wet but also cold. Walking in the rain without a jacket is like something a bull without horns. I’m using the walker supplied to me from the VA and I’ve had this since Jesus wore sandals, shoot I have racked maybe a million miles on this piece of metal, brakes are gone, and yet I like this walker 100%. If I don’t make any sense it’s because I am sick. Seriously sick. I’m strong minded and when I make a planed trip I will finish it. Ended up at my brothers house, spent a good hour and he took me home. It was sort of dumb of me but I didn’t see the weather forecast this day so now the bronchitis thing is worse. Sometimes I’m like that, wish I could stop thinking like I’m superman.

 

                                      

 

Alright readers, it’s time to get down with the nitty gritty. All we’ve learned it’s time that recess is over and no more play. Sorry but this is a serious matter here. I’m convinced that alcohol is passed on from the source. In my case from my father and mother. I experienced it all first hand. After years went by it only got worth the better person. In nearly no time I could drink anyone under the table. Professional I was. I drank daily for the buzz. I felt the best under the influence. Stronger I was, where today I’m the weakest one. Lonely and unsecured is my problem. Nobody made or forced me to drink. That’s the Gods honest truly. Some days I truly hate myself myself to death. So I must be stronger than ever. My kids and grandkids need me to stick around because we love one another. Can’t have recess to continue my story. Has to be one or the other and that’s it. I chose to stick around and that is what keeps me going.

 

I have two children, a girl and a boy. Both have there kids and do alright for themselves. I had chosen to write this some time ago, even years ago really. I love to be putting my thoughts on paper, it makes me feel like I’m accomplishing my dream.. Letting others know what I KNOW!! I’ve been overseas, several different states but never Hawaii. Dayton and raised until I turned 17, old enough to join the service. Decided the Air Force so it was time to make a change over the 17 years old houseman that I was. Joined up on the 23rd of February 1973. Flew to San Antonio Texas for my basic training. Contrary to what I though it was a hell hole. Wanted to break a leg so I could whimp out of the training. It was a bit more than I was expecting. I did get a body out of it. Lost a few pounds and gained muscles and I was indeed fit and ready for anything that got in my way.

 

I was not a trouble maker, just one that had many parties. BYB was the only rule. Today the only thing I ammplished was wash the dishes and cook. Nothing that happened was a good work out. Physical fitness is a have to everyday. If I do this it’s going to make me think positive in everything I do to get done. I love everything that includes me!! All I accomplished besides the house work, was watch TV. Love watching movies! Seems to increase my attention for the good. Puzzles work good, cards are good and it all makes a difference. I can honestly say it all works, keeping substances out of the mind. It will work for anyone who has the strength to keep on keeping on for 1 day at a time. Give this message near to your heart and you will believe it will most defiantly. I want you to help your self everyday. You will not fail. Promise!!!

 

This morning Ida has problems with her right eye. It’s glued shut.

 

I’m about through writing but if an idea should pop up, I’ll be sure to pass it along. Might have mentioned this but I want this working for the whole wide world to achieve their own inabilities to achieve their own addictions and be free from all that’s not good for anyone. Even the straight ones from all the no goods. It’s been gratifying to do this for me and so good luck in your ventures forever. So I will take her to see her eye Doctor maybe as early as tomorrow. I have to work on getting my respect back on my side. I lost the relationship with my then wife and I can’t do again. “NEVER”. I’ve learned that a woman needs love and compassion if it’s going to happen forever. Including sex and that’s always good, a never forever if we want it. Marriage is a sacred thing and it will work for everyone if you want it. The babies will come and you’ll be loved and gain self confidence plus respect. As I have spent on writing this post, I don’t really get to check my email. Just don’t get around to check it as I simply ignore it I guess. Anyway life’s a great joy everyday now that I not drinking today..

 

It is about time to switch gears.. I was as I said in the beginning, I was diagnostic with my Disease back in 1998 in Atlanta. I was treated there at the VA for a hernia repair a few months earlier before I found the bad news. Scared me for sure!!! So when I was seen by the GI department and was told to stop drinking plus given meds for my condition. Weeks went by turning into months. The DRS would always ask me if I had stopped drinking. Of course I’d say yes. They could smell it though and say “no you have not”. Busted slap cold period.. The meds had good effects but I would keep on drinking I wasn’t going to get any better. I did say to myself, “that makes a lot of sense”. However being stubborn all my life I just ignored the warnings. It eventually lost me great job I loved. 3 weeks later my brother and sister come down from Dayton to see I could do anything for myself. Took me two full years to get it through my brain that I had a problem that I HAD to fix and after a broken hip, I felt pain for the first time in  my life. Really that’s the nitty gritty. Got sober for one month and fell off the wagon. That is a low feeling bar none. Tried it once more on July 14, 2006 and stayed sober nearly 9 years which prompted me to say something now because there are a lot of people that will find out by themselves. I want to give my experience with the evil drink. If my siblings had not picked me (and my family except ours only son) I know I would have surely died. So now I’ll make note that I owe my brother a sister my life. I MEAN THAT. So if your like myself and have some issues with ADDICTIONS of any kind, please get help!! There are so many solutions that pertain to this and we each more than likely know what it is. So we have to do the work to beginning.

 

This morning Ida was talking about adopting a boy age mid teens. I had not even dreamed of this. But now I’d be interested in such a challenge. I tried and think I was a good parent to my two. They enjoyed growing up and we ATVs. Sure they got hurt a few times but then started rubbing the boos away, just as I did growing up.

 

Yea I’m starting to really think this over. Being in my 60s I’m sure this will work. Getting a wee bit anxious for tomorrow after I check it out on-line. Fact is I’m going to do this tonight. Tell you all tomorrow what I find out. 

 

things to say.  I’m starting to see the light at the end of the end of the tunnel. Starting a over the counter medicine, Omega XL and it’s blowing my mind. This after only 1 week! Hope this is getting anybody lessons to what I am to helping others, to just take a serious enough to do something I’ve said because it’s me, and I want to help others period. Smoking is as bad for us, started the Nicorette CQ 21mg patches.  Only smoked some 10 cigarettes. That is good for me. If I stop period I will get a lot done medically like getting all my teeth removed and pricing dentures. Also get my hammer toe that the surgeon would not touch unless I flat stop smoking. And then get my hip replaced along with my Urinary surgery, I feel safer. The backache I can  live with, for now. I’m really looking forward to my longer lasting life and that’s what I have to do. All for my girlfriend. This is a must for the two of us. My first marriage of 22 years because I was impotent. And I could not get it up. Makes the lady feel like I didn’t want her. That wasn’t the problem, it was me. Peeing was even difficult. The pee was so dark it made a mess of a toilet. I’d really felt the pain just urinating. Embarrassed me for life. I’ll never forget it. Life to me is like box of chocolates still remember those days. Wish I could start all over. I didn’t even  share a tear for the dad I hated my dad, he’s why I went in the Air Force in 1973 didn’t even finish High School, what a drag that was. Only problem now is that’s where I got the habit, drinking!! I Started something I could not stop. What  a unforgiving heart for anybody? I can remember that day. I came home to a telephone ring from the hospital saying that I needed to sign some papers regarding my dads expired condition. He was like on display with the blinds were wide open and a sheet covering his face. It was awful to see and hear. He experienced a great excitement to see him but again he was dead. Thus no tears of any kind. Going home was almost dreadful. Tomorrow will be okay if I keep on keep on keeping on.

 

Yes I’m so sincere for tomorrow will be better for now on. It’s almost 4:30 am this early Monday and I can get some sleep in.

 

Another day, another dollar I say. Got 5 hours of sleep time and I’m ready to start something to increase my skills  straight.

 

Okay now this is without doubt I’ve done it again time, I’ve picked up yet another can of an alcohol drink. Hay but it’s true. I’m a weak bastered that can not think of what I’m doing to myself and that is why I am talking to all of you now. Once you start it can be over copermizing. It’s then that you can not say to yourself STOP!!! Been there and did it and bought the T shirt plus the diploma by myself believe me. Only just saying that the day turned out awful. Feeling guilty is the game of the day. Started up a new medicine and also over the counter, Omega XL and it works and worth the money well spent. The hip pain is all but gone away. Permanently I am hoping. It’s probably a bottle of holy water or snake oil. However I give it A+ and again money well spent. TA! My mom died 1 year ago and it has to be the reason behind the picking up one more time. I’m convinced! It’s one more time, the glue that holds me together. Nothing good happens again. I’m a alcoholic… That’s all. Now I was scheduled to be an inpatient at the VA for rehab. It’ not going to happen now that I have been sort of a bad boy that don’t take orders easy like. My catheter was leaking urine and until I take myself to Columbus, they wouldn’t take me on. Pitty on all that poop. Forgetting it fixed by myself and my health care nurse received over sized catheters, twice over and that was the problem and fixed it. Still I get offed the list forever more. Now meetings are a thing of the past. All of been deleted from my mind. That’s it e for me tonight.

 

Keeping right keeps me straight. This is a have to be. One screw up and it’s over. 

 

Now it’s 6:50 am on Tuesday March first I have to pay off a cash advance by borrowing 200 dollars with interest a total of 231 dollars out of my pocket one more time. All after Christmas. Do it  over again. I make just a little bit over a $1000 and I’m broke most months. I give $500 for rent here so it’s like all the time broke. Thinking about a vacation in the Bahamas and that’s going to be very hard to do. Sometimes it’s hard to be thinking straight to myself. Like today I have to kick back. The trip takes me about an hour each way. It’s a must because I’ll get calls telling me to pay this off today. Ida will hate it but I do have a cell phone that works. I have to do this to keep my credit bad. Improving myself takes time. Watching  the walking dead is on demand and that’s how I catch up. It was  wrestling last night. I’m hooked okay. Talked with a buddy of my UK adventure, the one who rode with me to Wales to escort munitions back to our station.  The trip takes me about an hour each way. It’s a must because I’ll get calls telling me to pay this off today. Ida will hate it but I do have a cell phone that works. I have to do this to keep my credit bad. Improving myself takes time. Watching  the walking dead is on demand and that’s how I catch up. It was  wrestling last night. I’m hooked okay. Talked with a buddy of my UK adventure, the one who rode with me to Wales to escort munitions for the US Air Force. 

 

 

 The trip takes me about an hour each way. It’s a must because I’ll get calls telling me to pay this off today. Ida will hate it but I do have a cell phone that works. I have to do this to keep my credit bad. Improving myself takes time. Watching  the walking dead is on demand and that’s how I catch up. It was  wrestling last night. I’m hooked okay. Talked with a buddy of my UK adventure, the one who rode with me to Wales to escort munitions

 Listening to recovering alcoholics is asume.

 

Themselves, their over comings just set me off the wrong path. Now back to yesterday, it All this is going well until I make my first stop. It’s raining now and the wind is blowing up a storm.. I notice that I’m not only wet but also cold. Walking in the rain without a jacket is like something a bull without horns. I’m using the walker supplied to me from the VA and I’ve had this since Jesus wore sandals, shoot I have racked maybe a million miles on this piece of metal, brakes are gone, and yet I like this walker 100%. If I don’t make any sense it’s because I am sick. Seriously sick. I’m strong minded and when I make a planed trip I will finish it. Ended up at my brothers house, spent a good hour and he took me home. It was sort of dumb of me but I didn’t see the weather forecast this day so now the bronchitis thing is worse. Sometimes I’m like that, wish I could stop thinking like I’m superman.

 Listening to recovering

 

 

alc

back to our station

ohol.ics tell the story’s of th

I’m the weakest one. Lonely and unsecured is my problem. Nobody made or forced me to drink. That’s the Gods honest truly. Some days I truly hate myself myself to death. So I must be stronger than ever. My kids and grandkids need me to stick around because we love one another. Can’t have recess to continue my story. Has to be one or the other and that’s it. I chose to stick around and that is what keeps me going.

I have two children, a girl and a boy. Both have there kids and do alright for themselves. I had chosen to write this some time ago, even years ago really. I love to be putting my thoughts on paper, it makes me feel like I’m accomplishing my dream.. Letting others know what I KNOW!! I’ve been overseas, several different states but never Hawaii. Dayton and raised until I turned 17, old enough to join the service. Decided the Air Force so it was time to make a change over the 17 years old houseman that I was. Joined up on the 23rd of February 1973. Flew to San Antonio Texas for my basic training. Contrary to what I though it was a hell hole. Wanted to break a leg so I could whimp out of the training. It was a bit more than I was expecting. I did get a body out of it. Lost a few pounds and gained muscles and I was indeed fit and ready for anything that got in my way.

 

 

 

 

 

                                      

 

 

 

 

 

I was not a trouble maker, just one that had many parties. BYB was the only rule. Today the only thing I ammplished was wash the dishes and cook. Nothing that happened was a good work out. Physical fitness is a have to everyday. If I do this it’s going to make me think positive in everything I do to get done. I love everything that includes me!! All I accomplished besides the house work, was watch TV. Love watching movies! Seems to increase my attention for the good. Puzzles work good, cards are good and it all makes a difference. I can honestly say it all works, keeping substances out of the mind. It will work for anyone who has the strength to keep on keeping on for 1 day at a time. Give this message near to your heart and you will believe it will most defiantly. I want you to help your self everyday. You will not fail. Promise!!!

 

This morning Ida has problems with her right eye. It’s glued shut.

 

I’m about through writing but if an idea should pop up, I’ll be sure to pass it along. Might have mentioned this but I want this working for the whole wide world to achieve their own inabilities to achieve their own addictions and be free from all that’s not good for anyone. Even the straight ones from all the no goods. It’s been gratifying to do this for me and so good luck in your ventures forever. So I will take her to see her eye Doctor maybe as early as tomorrow. I have to work on getting my respect back on my side. I lost the relationship with my then wife and I can’t do again. “NEVER”. I’ve learned that a woman needs love and compassion if it’s going to happen forever. Including sex and that’s always good, a never forever if we want it. Marriage is a sacred thing and it will work for everyone if you want it. The babies will come and you’ll be loved and gain self confidence plus respect. As I have spent on writing this post, I don’t really get to check my email. Just don’t get around to check it as I simply ignore it I guess. Anyway life’s a great joy everyday now that I not drinking today..

 

It is about time to switch gears.. I was as I said in the beginning, I was diagnostic with my Disease back in 1998 in Atlanta. I was treated there at the VA for a hernia repair a few months earlier before I found the bad news. Scared me for sure!!! So when I was seen by the GI department and was told to stop drinking plus given meds for my condition. Weeks went by turning into months. The DRS would always ask me if I had stopped drinking. Of course I’d say yes. They could smell it though and say “no you have not”. Busted slap cold period.. The meds had good effects but I would keep on drinking I wasn’t going to get any better. I did say to myself, “that makes a lot of sense”. However being stubborn all my life I just ignored the warnings. It eventually lost me great job I loved. 3 weeks later my brother and sister come down from Dayton to see I could do anything for myself. Took me two full years to get it through my brain that I had a problem that I HAD to fix and after a broken hip, I felt pain for the first time in  my life. Really that’s the nitty gritty. Got sober for one month and fell off the wagon. That is a low feeling bar none. Tried it once more on July 14, 2006 and stayed sober nearly 9 years which prompted me to say something now because there are a lot of people that will find out by themselves. I want to give my experience with the evil drink. If my siblings had not picked me (and my family except ours only son) I know I would have surely died. So now I’ll make note that I owe my brother a sister my life. I MEAN THAT. So if your like myself and have some issues with ADDICTIONS of any kind, please get help!! There are so many solutions that pertain to these issues that there is no reason at all seeking help.

     

 

This morning Ida was talking about adopting a boy age mid teens. I had not even dreamed of this. But now I’d be interested in such a challenge. I tried and think I was a good parent to my two. They enjoyed growing up and we ATVs. Sure they got hurt a few times but then started rubbing the boos away, just as I did growing up.

 

Yea I’m starting to really think this over. Being in my 60s I sure this will work. Getting a wee bit anxious for tomorrow after I check it out on-line. Fact is I’m going to do this tonight. Tell you all tomorrow what I find out. 

 

I’m starting to see the light at the end of the end of the tunnel. . Starting a over the counter medicine, Omega XL and it’s blowing my mind.  enough to do something I’ve said because it’s me, and I want to help others period. Smoking is as bad for us, started the Nicorette CQ 21mg patches.  Only smoked some 10 cigarettes. That is good for me. If I stop period I will get a lot done medically like getting all my teeth removed and pricing dentures. Also get my hammer toe that the surgeon would not touch unless I flat stop smoking. And then get my hip replaced along with my Urinary surgery, I feel safer. The backache I can  live with, for now. I’m really looking forward to my longer lasting life and that’s what I have to do. All for my girlfriend. This is a must for the two of us. My first marriage of 22 years because I was impotent. And I could not get it up. Makes the lady feel like I didn’t want her. That wasn’t the problem, it was me. Peeing was even difficult. The pee was so dark it made a mess of a toilet. I’d really felt the pain just urinating. Embarrassed me for life. I’ll never forget it. Life to me is like box of chocolates still remember those days. Wish I could start all over. I didn’t even  share a tear for the dad I hated my dad, he’s why I went in the Air Force in 1973 didn’t even finish High School, what a drag that was. Only problem now is that’s where I got the habit, drinking!! I Started something I could not stop. What  a unforgiving heart for anybody? I can remember that day. I came home to a telephone ring from the hospital saying that I needed to sign some papers regarding my dads expired condition. He was like on display with the blinds were wide open and a sheet covering his face. It was awful to see and hear. He experienced a great excitement to see him but again he was dead. Thus no tears of any kind. Going home was almost dreadful. Tomorrow will be okay if I keep on keep on keeping on.

 

Yes I’m so sincere for tomorrow will be better for now on. It’s almost 4:30 am this early Monday and I can get some sleep in.

 

Another day, another dollar I say. Got 5 hours of sleep time and I’m ready to start something to increase my skills  straight.

 

Okay now this is without doubt I’ve done it again time, I’ve picked up yet another can of an alcohol drink. Hay but it’s true. I’m a weak bastered that can not think of what I’m doing to myself and that is why I am talking to all of you now. Once you start it can be over copermizing. It’s then that you can not say to yourself STOP!!! Been there and did it and bought the T shirt plus the diploma by myself believe me. Only just saying that the day turned out awful. Feeling guilty is the game of the day. Started up a new medicine and also over the counter, Omega XL and it works and worth the money well spent. The hip pain is all but gone away. Permanently I am hoping. It’s probably a bottle of holy water or snake oil. However I give it A+ and again money well spent. TA! My mom died 1 year ago and it has to be the reason behind the picking up one more time. I’m convinced! It’s one more time, the glue that holds me together. Nothing good happens again. I’m a alcoholic… That’s all. Now I was scheduled to be an inpatient at the VA for rehab. It’ not going to happen now that I have been sort of a bad boy that don’t take orders easy like. My catheter was leaking urine and until I take myself to Columbus, they wouldn’t take me on. Pitty on all that poop. Forgetting it fixed by myself and my health care nurse received over sized catheters, twice over and that was the problem and fixed it. Still I get offed the list forever more. Now meetings are a thing of the past. All of been deleted from my mind. That’s never good. Listening to recovering alcoholics tell the story’s of them self, their over comings just set me off the wrong path. 

Keeping right keeps me straight. This is a have to be. One screw up and it’s over. 

 

Now it’s 6:50 am on Tuesday March first I have to pay off a cash advance by borrowing 200 dollars with interest a total of 231 dollars out of my pocket one more time. All after Christmas. Do it  over again. I make just a little bit over a $1000 and I’m broke most months. I give $500 for rent here so it’s like all the time broke. Thinking about a vacation in the Bahamas and that’s going to be very hard to do. Sometimes it’s hard to be thinking straight to myself. Like today I have to catch a bus to pay this advance back. The trip takes me about an hour each way. It’s a must because I’ll get calls telling me to pay this off today. Ida will hate it but I do have a cell phone that works. I have to do this to keep my credit bad. Improving myself takes time. Watching  the walking dead is on demand and that’s how I catch up. It was  wrestling last night. I’m hooked okay. Talked with a buddy of my UK adventure, the one who rode with me to Wales to escort munitions back to our station. 

 

Now back to yesterday, it All this is going well until I make my first stop. It’s raining now and the wind is blowing up a storm.. I notice that I’m not only wet but also cold. Walking in the rain without a jacket is like something a bull without horns. I’m using the walker supplied to me from the VA and I’ve had this since Jesus wore sandals, shoot I have racked maybe a million miles on this piece of metal, brakes are gone, and yet I like this walker 100%. If I don’t make any sense it’s because I am sick. Seriously sick. I’m strong minded and when I make a planed trip I will finish it. Ended up at my brothers house, spent a good hour and he took me home. It was sort of dumb of me but I didn’t see the weather forecast this day so now the bronchitis thing is worse. Sometimes I’m like that, wish I could stop thinking like I’m superman.

 

                                      

 

Alright readers, it’s time to get down with the nitty gritty. All we’ve learned it’s time that recess is over and no more play. Sorry but this is a serious matter here. I’m convinced that alcohol is passed on from the source. In my case from my father and mother. I experienced it all first hand. After years went by it only got worth the better person. In nearly no time I could drink anyone under the table. Professional I was. I drank daily for the buzz. I felt the best under the influence. Stronger I was, where today I’m the weakest one. Lonely and unsecured is my problem. Nobody made or forced me to drink. That’s the Gods honest truly. Some days I truly hate myself myself to death. So I must be stronger than ever. My kids and grandkids need me to stick around because we love one another. Can’t have recess to continue my story. Has to be one or the other and that’s it. I chose to stick around and that is what keeps me going.

 

I have two children, a girl and a boy. Both have there kids and do alright for themselves. I had chosen to write this some time ago, even years ago really. I love to be putting my thoughts on paper, it makes me feel like I’m accomplishing my dream.. Letting others know what I KNOW!! I’ve been overseas, several different states but never Hawaii. Dayton and raised until I turned 17, old enough to join the service. Decided the Air Force so it was time to make a change over the 17 years old houseman that I was. Joined up on the 23rd of February 1973. Flew to San Antonio Texas for my basic training. Contrary to what I though it was a hell hole. Wanted to break a leg so I could whimp out of the training. It was a bit more than I was expecting. I did get a body out of it. Lost a few pounds and gained muscles and I was indeed fit and ready for anything that got in my way.

 

I was not a trouble maker, just one that had many parties. BYB was the only rule. Today the only thing I ammplished was wash the dishes and cook. Nothing that happened was a good work out. Physical fitness is a have to everyday. If I do this it’s going to make me think positive in everything I do to get done. I love everything that includes me!! All I accomplished besides the house work, was watch TV. Love watching movies! Seems to increase my attention for the good. Puzzles work good, cards are good and it all makes a difference. I can honestly say it all works, keeping substances out of the mind. It will work for anyone who has the strength to keep on keeping on for 1 day at a time. Give this message near to your heart and you will believe it will most defiantly. I want you to help yourself.

 

I’m about through writing but if an idea should pop up, I’ll be sure to pass it along. Might have mentioned this but I want this working for the whole wide world to achieve their own inabilities to achieve their own addictions and be free from all that’s not good for anyone. Even the straight ones from all the no goods. It’s been gratifying to do this for me and so good luck in your ventures forever. So I will take her to see her eye Doctor maybe as early as tomorrow. I have to work on getting my respect back on my side. I lost the relationship with my then wife and I can’t do again. “NEVER”. I’ve learned that a woman needs love and compassion if it’s going to happen forever. Including sex and that’s always good, a never forever if we want it. Marriage is a sacred thing and it will work for everyone if you want it. The babies will come and you’ll be loved and gain self confidence plus respect. As I have spent on writing this post, I don’t really get to check my email. Just don’t get around to check it as I simply ignore it I guess. Anyway life’s a great joy everyday now that I not drinking today..

 

It is about time to switch gears.. I was as I said in the beginning, I was diagnostic with my Disease back in 1998 in Atlanta. I was treated there at the VA for a hernia repair a few months earlier before I found the bad news. Scared me for sure!!! So when I was seen by the GI department and was told to stop drinking plus given meds for my condition. Weeks went by turning into months. The DRS would always ask me if I had stopped drinking. Of course I’d say yes. They could smell it though and say “no you have not”. Busted slap cold period.. The meds had good effects but I would keep on drinking I wasn’t going to get any better. I did say to myself, “that makes a lot of sense”. However being stubborn all my life I just ignored the warnings. It eventually lost me great job I loved. 3 weeks later my brother and sister come down from Dayton to see I could do anything for myself. Took me two full years to get it through my brain that I had a problem that I HAD to fix and after a broken hip, I felt pain for the first time in  my life. Really that’s the nitty gritty. Got sober for one month and fell off the wagon. That is a low feeling bar none. Tried it once more on July 14, 2006 and stayed sober nearly 9 years which prompted me to say something now because there are a lot of people that will find out by themselves. I want to give my experience with the evil drink. If my siblings had not picked me (and my family except ours only son) I know I would have surely died. So now I’ll make note that I owe my brother a sister my life. I MEAN THAT. So if your like myself and have some issues with ADDICTIONS of any kind, please get help!! There are so many solutions that pertain to these issues that there is no reason at all seeking help.

                                  

                                         

 

                            

 

This morning Ida was talking about adopting a boy age mid teens. I had not even dreamed of this. But now I’d be interested in such a challenge. I tried and think I was a good parent to my two. They enjoyed growing up and we ATVs. Sure they got hurt a few times but then started rubbing the boos away, just as I did growing up.

 

Yea I’m starting to really think this over. Being in my 60s I’m sure this will work. Getting a wee bit anxious for tomorrow after I check it out on-line. Fact is I’m going to do this tonight. Tell you all tomorrow what I find out.  I’m starting to see the light at the end of the end of the tunnel. Starting a over the counter medicine, Omega XL and it’s blowing my mind. This after only 1 week! Hope this is getting anybody lessons to what I am to helping others, to just take a serious enough to do something I’ve said because it’s me, and I want to help others period

 

I’ve done a lot medically like getting all my teeth removed and pricing dentures. Also get my hammer toe that the surgeon would not touch unless I flat stop smoking.   lot done medically like getting all my teeth removed and pricing dentures. Also get my hammer toe that the surgeon would not touch unless I flat stop smoking.  This is a must for the two of us. My first marriage of 22 years because I was impotent. And I could not get it up. Makes the lady feel like I didn’t want her. That wasn’t the problem, it was me. Peeing was even difficult. The pee was so dark it made a mess of a toilet. I’d really felt the pain just urinating. Embarrassed me for life. I’ll never forget it. Life to me is like box of chocolates still remember those days. Wish I could start all over. I didn’t even  share a tear for the dad I hated my dad, he’s why I went in the Air Force in 1973 didn’t even finish High School, what a drag that was. Only problem now is that’s where I got the habit, drinking!! I Started something I could not stop. What  a unforgiving heart for anybody? I can remember that day. I came home to a telephone ring from the hospital saying that I needed to sign some papers regarding my dads expired condition. He was like on display with the blinds were wide open and a sheet covering his face. It was awful to see and hear. He experienced a great excitement to see him but again he was dead. Thus no tears of any kind. Going home was almost dreadful. Tomorrow will be okay if I keep on keep on keeping on.

 

Yes I’m so sincere for tomorrow will be better for now on. It’s almost 4:30 am

 

I not only want quit smoking but I MUST because I have get my r/h hip repaired, My urinary problem fixed. I have chronic back pain that I take ibuprofen to ease the pain. I’m really looking forward to my longer lasting life and that’s what I have to do. All for my girlfriend. This is a must for the two of us. My first marriage of 22 years because I was impotent.

And I could not get it up. Makes the lady feel like I didn’t want her. That wasn’t the problem, it was me. Peeing was even difficult. The pee was so dark it made a mess of a toilet. I’d really felt the pain just urinating. Embarrassed me for life. I’ll never forget it. Life to me is like box of chocolates still remember those days.  I’d really felt the pain just urinating. Embarrassed me for life. I’ll never forget it.   Life to me is like box of chocolates still remember those days. Wish I could start all over. My dying the way he did because he was young. And you might think (If his dad died as young as he was, that I would just say, so why did you drink like he did) I should have not did, but I did it anyway. I didn’t even  share a tear for the dad I hated my dad, he’s why I went in the Air Force in 1973 didn’t even finish High School, what a drag that was. Only problem now is that’s where I got the habit, drinking!!  He was like on display with the blinds were wide open and a sheet covering his face. It was awful to see and hear. He experienced a great excitement to see him but again he was dead. Thus no tears of any kind. Going home was almost dreadful. Tomorrow will be okay if I keep on keep on keeping on.

 

Yes I’m so sincere for tomorrow will be better for now on. It’s almost 4:30 am this early Monday and I can get some sleep in.

 

Another day, another dollar I say. Got 5 hours of sleep time and I’m ready to start something to increase my skills  straight.

 

Okay now this is without doubt I’ve done it again time, I’ve picked up yet another can of an alcohol drink. Hay but it’s true. I’m a weak bastered that can not think of what I’m doing to myself and that is why I am talking to all of you now. Once you start it can be over copermizing. It’s then that you can not say to yourself STOP!!! Been there and did it and bought the T shirt plus the diploma by myself believe me. Only just saying that the day turned out awful. Feeling guilty is the game of the day. Started up a new medicine and also over the counter, Omega XL and it works and worth the money well spent. The hip pain is all but gone away. Permanently I am hoping. It’s probably a bottle of holy water or snake oil. However I give it A+ and again money well spent. TA! My mom died 1 year ago and it has to be the reason behind the picking up one more time. I’m convinced! It’s one more time, the glue that holds me together. Nothing good happens again. I’m a alcoholic… That’s all. Now I was scheduled to be an inpatient at the VA for rehab. It’ not going to happen now that I have been sort of a bad boy that don’t take orders easy like. My catheter was leaking urine and until I take myself to Columbus, they wouldn’t take me on. Pitty on all that poop. Forgetting it fixed by myself and my health care nurse received over sized catheters, twice over and that was the problem and fixed it. Still I get offed the list forever more. Now meetings are a thing of the past. All of been deleted from my old scrapbook. I Started something I could not stop. What  a unforgiving heart for anybody? I can remember that day. I came home to a telephone ring from the hospital saying that I needed to sign some papers regarding my dads expired condition. He was like on display with the blinds were wide open and a sheet covering his face. It was awful to see and hear.  I experienced a great excitement to see him but again, he was dead. Thus no tears of any kind. Going home was almost dreadful. Tomorrow will be okay if I keep on keep on keeping on. He experienced a great excitement to see him but again he was dead. Thus no tears of any kind. Going home was almost dreadful. Tomorrow will be okay if I keep on keep on keeping on.  He experienced a great excitement to see him but again he was dead. Thus no tears of any kind. Going home was almost like a very long trip.

 

He experienced a great excitement to see him but again he was dead. Thus no tears of any kind. Going home was almost dreadful. Tomorrow will be okay if I keep on keep on keeping on. Yes I’m so sincere for tomorrow will be better for now on. It’s almost 4:30 am this early Monday and I can get some sleep in.

 

Another day, another dollar I say. Got 5 hours of sleep time and I’m ready to start something to increase my skills  straight. Okay now this is without doubt I’ve done it again time, I’ve picked up yet another can of an alcohol drink. Hay but it’s true.  I’m a weak bastered that can not think of what I’m doing to myself and that is why I am talking to all of you now. Once you start it can be over compromising. It’s then that you can not say to yourself STOP!!! Been there and did it and bought the T shirt plus the diploma by myself believe me. Only just saying that the day turned out awful. Feeling guilty is the game of the day. Started up a new medicine and also over the counter, Omega XL and it works and worth the money well. Only just saying that the day turned out awful. Feeling guilty is the game of the day. Started up a new medicine and also over the counter, Omega XL and it works and worth the money well spent. The hip pain is all but gone away. Permanently I am hoping.

 

Only just saying that the day turned out awful. Feeling guilty is the game of the day. Started up a new medicine and also over the counter, Omega XL and it works and worth the money well spent. The hip pain is all but gone away. Permanently I am hoping.

Only just saying that the day turned out awful. Feeling guilty is the game of the day. Started up a new medicine and also over the counter, Omega XL and it works and worth the money well spent. The hip pain is all but gone away. Permanently I am hoping It’s probably a bottle of holy water or snake oil. However I give it A+ and again money well spent. TA! My mom died 1 year ago and it has to be the reason behind the picking up one more time. I’m convinced! It’s one more time, the glue that holds me together. Nothing good happens again. I’m a alcoholic… That’s all.  Now I was scheduled to be an inpatient at the VA for rehab. It’ not going to happen now that I have been sort of a bad boy that don’t take orders easy like. My catheter was leaking urine and until I take myself to Columbus, they wouldn’t take me on. Pitty on all that poop.

 

 Now I was scheduled to be an inpatient at the VA for rehab. It’ not going to happen now that I have been sort of a bad boy that don’t take orders easy like. My catheter was leaking urine and until I take myself to Columbus, they wouldn’t take me on. Pitty on all that poop.  Forgetting it got fixed by myself and my health care nurse received over sized catheters, twice over and that was the problem and fixed it. Still I get offed the list forever more. Now meetings are a thing of the past. All of been deleted from my mind. That’s never good. Listening to recovering alcoholics tell the story’s of them self, their over comings just set me off the wrong path. Keeping right keeps me straight. This is a have to be. One screw up and it’s over. Now it’s 6:50 am on Tuesday March first I have to pay off a cash advance by borrowing 200 dollars with interest a total of 231 dollars out of my pocket one more time. All after Christmas. Do it  over again. I make just a little bit over a $1000 and I’m broke most months. I give $500 for rent here so it’s like all the time broke.  Thinking about a vacation in the Bahamas and that’s going to be very hard to do. Sometimes it’s hard to be thinking straight to myself. Like today I have to catch a bus to pay this advance back. The trip takes me about an hour each way. It’s a must because I’ll get calls telling me to pay this off today. Ida will hate it but I do have a cell phone that works. I have to do this to keep my credit bad. Improving myself takes time. Watching  the walking dead is on demand and that’s how I catch up. It was  wrestling last night. I’m hooked okay. Talked with a buddy of my UK adventure, the one who rode with me to Wales to escort munitions back to our station.  Now back to yesterday,  it All this is going well until I make my first stop. It’s raining now and the wind is blowing up a storm.. I notice that I’m not only wet but also cold. Walking in the rain without a jacket is like something a bull without horns. I’m using the walker supplied to me from the VA and I’ve had this since Jesus wore sandals, shoot I have racked maybe a million miles on this piece of metal, brakes are gone, and yet I like this walker 100%. If I don’t make any sense it’s because I am sick. Seriously sick.

 

Now back to yesterday, it All this is going well until I make my first stop. It’s raining now and the wind is blowing up a storm.. Now back to yesterday, it All this is going well until I make my first stop. It’s raining now and the wind is blowing up a storm..  I notice that I’m not only wet but also cold. Walking in the rain without a jacket is like something a bull without horns. I’m using the walker supplied to me from the VA and I’ve had this since Jesus wore sandals, shoot I have racked maybe a million miles on this piece of metal, brakes are gone, and yet I like this walker 100%. If I don’t make any sense it’s because I am sick. Seriously sick. I’m strong minded and when I make a planed trip I will finish it. Ended up at my brothers house, spent a good hour and he took me home. It was sort of dumb of me but I didn’t see the weather forecast this day so now the bronchitis thing is worse. Sometimes I’m like that, wish I could stop thinking like I’m superman.

 

Alright readers, it’s time to get down with the nitty gritty. All we’ve learned it’s time that recess is over and no more play. Sorry but this is a serious matter here. I’m convinced that alcohol is passed on from the source. In my case from my father and mother. . I experienced it all first hand. After years went by it only got worth the better person. In nearly no time I could drink anyone under the table. Professional I was. I drank daily for the buzz. I felt the best under the influence. Stronger I was, where today I’m the weakest one.          Professional I was. I drank daily for the buzz. I felt the best under the influence. Stronger I was, where today I’m the weakest one. Lonely and unsecured is my problem. Nobody made or forced me to drink. That’s the Gods honest truly. Some days I truly hate myself myself to death. So I must be stronger than ever. My kids and grandkids need me to stick around because we love one another. Can’t have recess to continue my story. Has to be one or the other and that’s it. I chose to stick around and that is what keeps me going. I have two children, a girl and a boy. Both have there kids and do alright for themselves. I had chosen to write this some time ago, even years ago really. I love to be putting my thoughts on paper, it makes me feel like I’m accomplishing my dream.. Letting others know what I KNOW!! I’ve been overseas, several different states but never Hawaii.. 

 

Dayton and raised until I turned 17, old enough to join the service. Decided the Air Force so it was time to make a change over the 17 years old houseman that I was. Joined up on the 23rd of February 1973. Flew to San Antonio Texas for my basic training. Contrary to what I thought it was a hell hole.  Wanted to break a leg so I could whimp out of the training. It was a bit more than I was expecting. I did get a body out of it. Lost a few pounds and gained muscles and I was indeed fit and ready for anything that got in my way. Dayton and raised until I turned 17, old enough to join the service. Decided the Air Force so it was time to make a change over the 17 years old houseman that I was. Joined up on the 23rd of February 1973. Flew to San Antonio Texas for my basic training. Contrary to what I thought it was a hell hole.  Wanted to break a leg so I could whimp out of the training. It was a bit more than I was expecting. I did get a body out of it. Lost a few pounds and gained muscles and I was indeed fit and ready for anything that got in my way.  Dayton and raised until I turned 17, old enough to join the service. Decided the Air Force so it was time to make a change over the 17 years old houseman that I was. Joined up on the 23rd of February 1973. Flew to San Antonio Texas for my basic training. Contrary to what I thought it was a hell hole.  Wanted to break a leg so I could whimp out of the training. It was a bit more than I was expecting. I did get a body out of it. Lost a few pounds and gained muscles and I was indeed fit and ready for anything that got in my way.  I was not a trouble maker, just one that had many parties. BYB was the only rule. Today the only thing I accomplished was wash the dishes and cook. Nothing that happened was a good work out. Physical fitness is a have to everyday. If I do this it’s going to make me think positive in everything I do to get done. I love everything that includes me!! All I accomplished besides the house work, was watch TV. Love watching movies! Seems to increase my attention for the good. Puzzles work good, cards are good and it all makes a difference. I can honestly say it all works, keeping substances out of the mind. It will work for anyone who has the strength to keep on keeping on for 1 day at a time. Give this message near to your heart and you will believe it will most definitely. I want you to help yourself everyday. You will not fail. Promise!!!  This morning Ida had a  problem with her right eye. It was glued shut.

 

I’m about through writing but if an idea should pop up, I’ll be sure to pass it along. Might have mentioned this but I want this working for the whole wide world to achieve their own inabilities to achieve their own addictions and be free from all that’s not good for anyone. Even the straight ones from all the no good.

 

It’s been gratifying to do this for me and so good luck in your ventures forever. So I will take her to see her eye Doctor maybe as early as tomorrow. I have to work on getting my respect back on my side. I lost the relationship with my then wife and I can’t do again. “NEVER”. I’ve learned that a woman needs love and compassion if it’s going to happen forever. It’s been gratifying to do this for me and so good luck in your ventures forever. So I will take her to see her eye Doctor maybe as early as tomorrow. I have to work on getting my respect back on my side. I lost the relationship with my then wife and I can’t do again. “NEVER”. I’ve learned that a   woman needs love and compassion if it’s going to happen forever. Including sex and that’s always good, I never forever if we wanted it. Marriage is a sacred thing and it will work for everyone if you want it. The babies will come and you’ll be loved and gain self confidence plus respect.   woman needs love and compassion if it’s going to happen forever. Including sex and that’s always good, and never forever if we want it. Marriage is a sacred thing and it will work for everyone if you want it. The babies will come and you’ll be loved and gain self confidence plus respect.    woman needs love and compassion if it’s going to happen forever. Including sex and that’s always good, and never forever it if we want it. Marriage is a sacred thing and it will work for everyone if you want it. The babies will come and you’ll be loved and gain self confidence plus respect.

 

It is about time to switch gears.. I was as I said in the beginning, I was diagnostic with my Disease back in 1998 in Atlanta. I was treated there at the VA for a hernia repair a few months earlier before I found the bad news. Scared me for sure!!! So when I was seen by the GI department and was told to stop drinking plus given meds for my condition.  Weeks went by turning into months. The DRS would always ask me if I had stopped drinking. Of course I’d say yes. They could smell it though and say “no you have not”. Busted slap cold period.. The meds had good effects but I would keep on drinking I wasn’t going to get any better. I did say to myself, “that makes a lot of sense”. However being stubborn all my life I just ignored the warnings.   

 

Weeks went by turning into months. The DRS would always ask me if I had stopped drinking. Of course I’d say yes. They could smell it though and say “no you have not”. Busted slap cold period.. The meds had good effects but I would keep on drinking I wasn’t going to get any better. I did say to myself, “that makes a lot of sense”. However being stubborn all my life I just ignored the warnings. It eventually lost me great job I loved. 3 weeks later my brother and sister come down from Dayton to see I could do anything for myself. Took me two full years to get it through my brain that I had a problem that I HAD to fix and after a broken hip, I felt pain for the first time in  my life. Really that’s the nitty gritty.

 

Got sober for one month and fell off the wagon. That is a low feeling bar none. Tried it once more on July 14, 2006 and stayed sober nearly 9 years which prompted me to say something now because there are a lot of people that will find out by themselves. I want to give my experience with the evil drink. If my siblings had not picked me (and my family except ours only son) I know I would have surely died. So now I’ll make note that I owe my brother a sister my life. I MEAN THAT. So if your like myself and have some issues with ADDICTIONS of any kind, please get help!! There are so many solutions that pertain to these issues that there is no reason at all seeking help.

 

This morning Ida was talking about adopting a boy age mid teens. I had not even dreamed of this. But now I’d be interested in such a challenge. I tried and think I was a good parent to my two. They enjoyed growing up and we ATVs. Sure they got hurt a few times but then started rubbing the boos away, just as I did growing up.

 

Yea I’m starting to really think this over. Being in my 60s I’m sure this will work. Getting a wee bit anxious for tomorrow after I check it out on-line. Fact is I’m going to do this tonight. Tell you all tomorrow what I find out. This morning Ida was talking about adopting a boy age mid teens. I had not even dreamed of this. But now I’d be interested in such a challenge. I tried and think I was a good parent to my two. They enjoyed growing up and we ATVs. Sure they got hurt a few times but then started rubbing the boos away, just as I did growing up.

 

Yea I’m starting to really think this over. Being in my 60s I sure this will work. Getting a wee bit anxious for tomorrow after I check it out on-line. Fact is I’m going to do this tonight. Tell you all tomorrow what I find out.

 

Today I have to see the Podiatrist to get my toenails cut. My appointment is at 2:15 pm.

 

Well it’s over with, and I lived it to and the dentist was good PLUS the dentist that worked on me did great work. I can pay him with a trade for his riding mower.  I’ve got this theory that it smell bad I’ll Usually works for me sometimes. I promised to myself that I have to stop writing for a few moments then keep on keeping on. Today I have to see the Podiatrist to get my toenails cut. My appointment is at 2:15 pm.

 

Well it’s over with, and I lived it to and the dentist was good PLUS the dentist that worked on me did great work. I can pay him with a trade for his riding mower.  I’ve got this theory that it smell bad I’ll Usually works for me sometimes. I promised to myself that I have to stop writing for a few moments then keep on keeping on. 

 

I slept like a little bitty baby last night and I’ve been with good spirits most of the day and that’s I ask for me, nothing more. Yesterday I got a call from the VAs emergency room and I had drop them close by but I had been told to pick them up and I said I am getting ready so it would take me maybe one hour so I got there within 15 minutes. I got back all within 1 hour. I was a mess and picked up my medicines, took them when got home, like I said 1 hour.  Now let’s go on short trip who knows, find out when and where’s and bring some bottled water because we may be here awhile. Break time it’s 3pm but I will be back..

 

All ready nobody knows where or what we may find something soon and after  you get your paddles working like wildfire, my mom would say this with us straight through right at us kids and I quote “Shit fire and save the matches”. I will never ever forget her saying this. It’s etched in my head, brain and all. Those were the days when we were young and dumb but full of cum. 

 

All ready nobody knows where or what we may find something soon and after  you get your paddles working like wildfire, my mom would say this with us straight through right at us kids and I quote “Shit fire and save the matches”. I will never ever forget her saying this. It’s etched in my head, brain and all. Those were the days when we were young and dumb but full of cum. Didn’t experience one girlfriend at all except playing spin the bottle and stipe poker now that got interesting till the girl’s had to leave. No excusing aloud period. It was not until October 4th 1974 before I experienced sex  Before I got married that I got devirginized. What a night that also is etched in my brain and I will never ever forget it. Getting myself baptized the very day. There has to be a heaven because I shivered along and sweat my eyeballs out. This wasn’t sex, it was a sweatfest.  I’m thinking that my dad had passed sometime around July 1974, had to go overseas in two months. Sort of a true story shared by me for you to see and read. Need to google a page of the funeral, Just be patient please..

 

Didn’t experience one girlfriend at all except playing spin the bottle and stipe poker now that got interesting till the girl’s had to leave. No excusing aloud period. It was not until October 4th 1974 before I experienced sex  Before I got married that I got devirginized. What a night that also is etched in my brain and I will never ever forget it. Getting myself baptized the very day. There has to be a heaven because I shivered along and sweat my eyeballs out. This wasn’t sex, it was a sweat fest.  I’m thinking that my dad had passed sometime around July 1974, had to go overseas in two months. Let me say this about searching online “it sucks”. It always happens to nice people like the good people at least it does for me. Maybe to many nites with wet dreams I just can’t have a moment without digging a whole in the ground so I can hide in maybe that’s the answer, who knows what I don’t know. I know the answer to who know’s but it has to be the god of my higher power and understanding is the correct answer. If you either trust god or your lost and this is fact because I do believe in god and what he accomplished in 7 days okay. Simple and not hard one little bit. Now that’s what I want for end of my time on earth.

 

Now the people I contacted at Memorial Park Cemetery sounded good it makes me want go to ST Petersburg, Florida and if necessary for me to making a trip south I most certainty make that trip. Believe that Jacks!

 

I fell asleep at about 11pm and woke up to Modern Family on TV, one of my  least favorite shows, I was on the couch while Ida’s in the bed at 11:30 pm so I got in at in 5+ hours of needed  sleep in on the couch. It sounds like I’ll be up the night and you’d be correct if you say, I believe that, you’d be right on.

 

Now the people I contacted at Memorial Park Cemetery sounded good it makes me want go to ST Petersburg, Florida and if necessary for me to making a trip south I most certainty make that trip. Believe that Jacks!Now the people I contacted at Memorial Park Cemetery sounded good it makes me want go to ST Petersburg, Florida and if necessary for me to making a trip south I most certainty make that trip. Can you believe that. 

 

Made to the bedroom at 6 AM only after I fell to for 5 hours on this couch. 5 hours gets me awake but I did crash out. Finally at 6am slipped into bed getting another 6 hours.

 

Two days after I talked to the people at the cemetery called me back saying they couldn’t find my dad’s grave site so I have to recheck the cemetery for another one. What a let down with a ugly smiley face. That’s alright just a little hitch and I’ll get over it.

 

COMPUTERS== Almost everyone has one and use’s it, either at home or work. These devices are somewhat complicated. I consider myself pretty good but great I don’t know. There are certain programs you have to have and most are not FREE, and by golly don’t call the technical department because they will show you all of the programs not running I know this is a big O and it only costs 249 dollars. What a deal, sure jackases. Never mind that crap, this device runs pretty good. Good enough for this simpleton. There are sometimes that the serenity prayer comes in  charge, there are three parts to the prayer. (1) GOD grant me the serenity to accept the things as they are. (2) The courage to change these things I can. (3) And the wisdom to know the difference. Mighty strong but powerful way to get STRAIGHT. Follow these steps you can and will be a better person, inside and out. Trust me okay, it works!

 

Well I got my new and updated drivers installed perfectly. I’m happy now and as far as the technical part. They just lean to get your good hard worked dollars. I am now convinced to that now. Point is don’t think you need everything they say is bad. I’m only saying this because I’ve learned the hard lesson I’ve paid. Anyway back to you readers.

hat I feel needs to be told to all who have addictions, no matter what they maybe. Alcohol, Drugs, or whatever. Mine is Alcohol. Did a lot of drugs but alcohol was my favorite choice. I’ve been drinking for most of my life, I’m 60 now so it’s been going on for at least 50 years. It was just 11 years ago that I started feeling bad. Bad enough to see a Doctor. At first sight The Doctor said he thought I had Cirrhosis of the Liver. My stomach was loaded with fluid that needed to be drained. The Doctor set me an appointment to have the drain be done. Well it needed done another two times eventually. I weighed over 300 pounds and afterwards the 3 drains I had dropped over 60 pounds and felt a lot better. Had to start taking water pills to keep the fluid under control.

 

With Liver disease there are things you must do to keep alive. The Liver won’t process Proteins. This if not you get constipated.  This causes high amounts of ammonia to enter the blood system. If nothings done you can and will go unconscious, even go into a coma. That happened to me once but never again. I made that promise to myself. That almost could have killed me.

 

Soon afterwards, before I knew it I was on a bucket full of medicines. I take them all once or twice a day. One is taken three times a day. Life now is not so free as it used to be. Big Bummer!!!

 

I really want others that drink daily as I did, and step back and remember this one thing, I once was full of life and it’s been taken away for good. Transplants are possible but a MELD score as low as mine it would have to be higher. It must be bad and high enough to be put on a waiting list. So my wanting a transplant is not likely possible ever, and that’s good for me because transplants are difficult and are not guaranteed.

 

As far as I know I must stop any type of alcohol what so ever. If I stick to my guns and stop the drink, I could live a rather long life. That’s the goal in this game of life.

 

I made a phone call today and spoke to the person who’s in charge of the  inpatint to a rehap program at the VAMC, communally known here in Dayton as the Veteran Administration Medical Center. I’m so stuck on drinking. Now that I am ready to be treated for Alcohism, not alcohol was ism, and since I had cured of the drink for nearly 9 years should show anybody that they have a drinking problem. First time I became sober I did it all by myself. No one to this day believes me, but that’s what I did. Now’s the time stop hurting myself and my liver disease.

 

Today is Saturday so I’ve not picked up and drank anything for 5 days and the cravings are but all gone and that is not progress. There is hope that I’ll never pick up the juice ever again, but all I have is a 24 hour token. Been trying for a 30 day token since November 6, 2015. It’s hard to just stop drinking.

 

Here’s a small secret, get right with GOD and there is going to be hope. This is a MUST. Get right with our true father with true honest prayer. Would stay with this preaching but I do believe this is the only way to simply live life every single day. Keep things as simple as possible one day at a time.

 

I’ve been holding back some what, things are in fact on a downward spiral. It’s not like I’m getting depressed or anything. I’ve just got so many pots on the stove sort of speak. I need this blockage in my Urinary Tract fixed. Plus my hip is supposed to be replaced but I have to get the pee thing fixed and not until. Dental work needs to be done before I can take some kind of medicine for my bones to get harder. At this point almost all my teeth have been pulled today which is free at the VAMC. Dentures will be done at a cost but I was smart a few years ago and got dental insurance, not sure how much it will be but I will get them and smile again. Then there’s the rehabilitation for alcoholism. I have to do this right now because I don’t want to die of liver disease.

 

This is way to hard to forget. My father died at 46 years old of this same liver disease. I hated my dad because he was an alcoholic, same for my mom only she lived till she was 80. Lost her back a year ago and Loved her. Dad was classified as genius and a war veteran. He acted like he was a perfectionus. To him no job was to good enough and I could be better and faster at everything I was told to do. Anyway as it is today and being the oldest of three, I had to make all dads arrangements to bury him. I can admit that I did good!! Sometimes I amaze myself. Dad’s death went off with out a hitch. He received all the military honors. He is buried in St Petersburg, Florida where he wanted.

 

I, in the Air Force left for England 3 months later. Spend 3 years on a regular 2 year tour, so being married I had my choice to extend my tour to have the Government ship my house hold items and my 1974 Pinto. I’d like to revisit England but I couldn’t afford that. Especially when I can’t work and not seeing combat I’m forced to live on a non-VA pension and that my friends is just covering my bills each month. Yes that is all the truth.

 

My military career took me first San Antonio Texas then Denver Colorado, then Tampa Florida, then to RAF Lakenheath England  were my wife and I spent for 3 years. Learning about responsibility living with my wife was rather easy. The bad thing was I had really started up my drinking. It was most likely an inherited disease that I have now. No one could keep up with me drinking wise. That continuous drinking got me where I am today. I have good days and bad days. I just never know until I get in bed at night how the day was.

 

It’s another day and I got to thinking about about my time in England and a trip I took to Wales. I and a mate friend I’ll call Jack for reasons of privacy. Was asked to escort a shipment of munitions from Wales, to our assigned base, RAFLakenheath AFB in northern England, about 60 miles north of London. So me and Jack boarded a train out of London. Destination Wales, to the shipping port of call. There while on to train there, me and Jack drank a lot and passed out, sleeping through our stop. Had to back track to our stop. Hang over from hell. However we got to port and watched the munitions get loaded onto two tractor trailers. Then when they were loaded we received communications that a fire was intenualy set on that ship that we’d just loaded onto the trucks. The IRA owned up a said they were responsible for the incident. We were on the road for 10 hours. I admit that I was scared the whole way back just wondering if a bomb was going to detinate.

 

That trip turned into a real buzz kill. I could tell you a lot more stories if you want! I’ll give out my email address and You can ask anything. The purpose for this story is to help others to achieve SOBRITY. That all I can do for someone that needs help. Talking about our problems is key. The more we know about our disease helps us to get sober. Trust me because I know what I’ve done by myself and hard work makes us be a better person.

 

Drinking can be inherited, at least it for me I am sure of it. Both of my parents were alcoholics and subsequently I was born with it and I will always be a alcoholic and that’s a big ole fact. It’s ruined a otherwise good man. If I get sober again, this time I better stay with the program or die.

 

Today will be the same as yesterday because of my disease. About all I can do is to set a schedule but even writing down my daily tasks it won’t get done completely. I usually sit down in front of the TV or the computer. I’m a geek at both! I still communicate with friends I was stationed with in England. Their all aware of my disease because I told them. Want to be going to a meeting place some where but no set place now, yet. We guys live all across nation so I hope we get something set up soon.

 

Let me tell about my Urinary problem okay. It was back in 2008 when I was admitted in Emergency Room with a ammonia problem or something else but I was asked to give a urine sample and I could not pee (urinate). They put in a catheter and sent me home. 3 days later I went back and ask if they would take it out. Bear in mind that I also had a incontinent issue so I couldn’t understand why I couldn’t give a Urine sample. I thought that was rather crazy to me. Every time I go anywhere I was peeing and couldn’t hold it at all. My pants would get soaked. I took showers like 3 times a day. Anyway I asked if they did it for other reasons why. Next day I had a Blatter so full I had to go right back to get the catheter back in. Well the nurses and Dr tried but could get it in. I was bleeding mighty bad so they had me go by ambulance to another private hospital and they got one installed. I immediately was filling catheter bags instantly. Had to return for a check up and was told that I would have to have a supre pubic catheter. It takes some kind of surgery to install but it works now but it’s been about 8 years of monthly changes and I am going to get a blockage removed and that takes a Urologist who’s certified to do reconstruction work to fix this problem. Hope it goes well the very first time because I am real close to cussing someone out if it doesn’t work out.

 

I need to be focused and positive about things in my life but some days I get in a corner and say nothing. It’s not good for me to just say nothing.  I’m a talker however but some days are better than others you know what I’m saying? Trust in my higher power has to get in motion every single day and when I just sit and pray things look a lot better than they were. That way you will be happy not sad or depressed. Doing this I will be happy and a feeling that I’ve accomplished a promise to myself and I feel good.

 

Today is day 8 of no alcohol and I must put off my addiction just one more day. I need to call someone to rid myself not to go out and make a purchase  of any kind of alcohol  and the key to put off another day. There’s a lot of people I can call for help, it’s me picking up the 900 pound phone and call someone… It’s pretty hard to admit this but some times it is really hard to escape the drink because I’ve done so many bad things in my life time.

 

When I was 6 my parents had a humdinger of a argument that came down to some one had be the winner or loser. Dad threatened to kill my  mom with a butcher knife and actually cut her bad enough to get attention. They got divorced in the end. Being the oldest it was hard to make the property of mom or dad. Mom’s mother came to pick my mother and took home with her. Grandma had a house in Dayton and I liked the farm we had so never the less we chose dad over mom. I again the older of three (little brother and sister) put me in charge while he worked. By the time I turned 17 I decided I had enough of dad’s shit. He would beat us and I know now that that’s not right at all. I talked to the local Air Force recruiter. I took the GED test and pasted it the very first time. A month later was in San Antonio Texas in Feb 27th 1973. I don’t know if drinking was legal. Didn’t even matter on base so for two weeks I experienced my first hang over’s. Dizziness to say the least… See when orders were given out I didn’t get any orders so I had two weeks of up to

Plenty of no good drinking at the base bowling alley.

 

Received orders to report to Lowey AFB in Denver Colorado for tech school learning all about munitions. Mostly storage and handling. Running fork lifts and all. Mostly convental but eventually I handled Nuclear weapons. Scary shit but I dealt with these thoughts of something killing me. If all was done correctly everything was okay!! If is a big word.

 

After 5 & a half years though made me think about staying and do the 20 years so I could receive a healthy pension and be 37 years old but I tried getting cross trained into anything else and was told I could not qualify. So I convinced myself to take my honorable discharge and say (kiss my ass) and move on.

 

Well I came back home to the Dayton area for 2 months of living at different houses of other relatives and got the idea to learn more about motorcycle repair. I stuck with it and found and enrolled to the motorcycle school in Chicago for three months. Got the diploma to prove it. Probably never find it because of all the moving around from one address to another. Learned pretty quickly because while growing up dad bought many motorcycles and so we had to repair these bundles of joy if we wanted to ride and eventually race them also. Dad made enough money that if our bikes needed repair, he’d buy the parts IF we would fix them. What a deal and he would buy tools that were necessary. Fixed a lot of second gear problems.

 

Today I have been sober for 12 Days on my own. I broke my string of 9 years of sobriety. I want to think I was still grieving my moms death, or was the reason. I am not sure that’s what caused it, I hope it was something else. I broke that sobriety two month’s after my mom’s funeral. Today is day 12 that I have not picked up anything containing alcohol and that is good. Todays date is February 17th, 2016. Gotta make it!!

 

Now here’s my problem today. I’ve made several attempts To contact the people that I need for reason to get a Urologist to check my catheter for a leak that’s been leaking that  I know has stopped. I Have done all that’s required of me and there’s nothing else I can do physically. I don’t know what these people expect  of me. Going to take a break now because I bought 3 cocktails tonight so there goes my string once again, my bad. The problem and is I may or may not return. Later People I wish you all, he best

 

Day 3 without a drink, another Saturday, want to work around the house. Lots needing tended to, we have a bedroom we call “the brown room” and it’s been a catch all these past two years. That would be a great start and if it gets finished, I’ll have to go out and eat something. Being sober has it’s ups plus I have the extra time now and that gives me the hope I so desperately need and time better spent.

 

I think some kind of hobby would get my drunken mind might just get motivated me taking mind over the drink, don’t know unless I try it right. I sure need something because I am going to loose my future mate. That scares me! I was married once and drinking caused the divorce. I can not relive that again. Guess what I’m saying is that if I take this scared feeling and stop it while I still have time to fix this. Believe I see the light at the end of the tunnel. Why do I want to drink till I drop? I’ve fallen a few times, breaking bones all because I don’t handle the consumption of three beers much less the hard stuff. I just can’t handle it, anymore. That’s my only choice now Putting the plug in the jug. I’ve not had a drink now for 5 days and I want to stop and since the inpatient rehab is not in my future because the VA isn’t going to help me unless I travel to see the Urologist seeing me in Columbus, 120 miles away. I live less than 2 miles from the VA. Doesn’t make any sense to me what so ever.

 

Todays Friday, have a appointment with my Prime Care Doctor and have a list for him. Way to many of my RX medicine that I’ve got to get refills that I have to have. Sorta blew off this Urologist in Columbus and the inpatient for recoverery of  my Diseased Liver. I’m going to try to recover on my own so there it is and on paper that I can do this. Wish me luck!!!

 

Well here’s what I have to say that it was very impressive. Got Broncise a about 3 weeks ago and I founded out I still have it. So I needed a antibody  and Steroids then go home and take a dose as soon as I got something to eat. So after eating I take the medicine and get very sleepy. Took my, in fact I fixed a double dose and couldn’t get to sleep still. EPIK, It’s a great channel that I watch from time, depending on my mental issues. Today is Friday the 26th just before midnight.

 

of other relatives and got the idea to learn more about motorcycle repair. I stuck with it and found and enrolled to the motorcycle school in Chicago for three months. Got the diploma to prove it. Probably never find it because of all the moving around from one address to another. Learned pretty quickly because while growing up dad bought many motorcycles and so we had to repair these bundles of joy if we wanted to ride and eventually race them also. Dad made enough money that if our bikes needed repair, he’d buy the parts IF we would fix them. What a deal and he would buy tools that were necessary. Fixed a lot of second gear problems.

 

Today I have been sober for 12 Days on my own. I broke my string of 9 years of sobriety. I want to think I was still grieving my moms death, or was the reason. I am not sure that’s what caused it, I hope it was something else. I broke that sobriety two month’s after my mom’s funeral. Today is day 12 that I have not picked up anything containing alcohol and that is good. Todays date is February 17th, 2016. Gotta make it!!

 

Now here’s my problem today. I’ve made several attempts To contact the people that I need for reason to get a Urologist to check my catheter for a leak that’s been leaking that  I know has stopped. I Have done all that’s required of me and there’s nothing else I can do physically. I don’t know what these people expect  of me. Going to take a break now because I bought 3 cocktails tonight so there goes my string once again, my bad. The problem and is I may or may not return. Later People I wish you all, he best

 

Day 3 without a drink, another Saturday, want to work around the house. Lots needing tended to, we have a bedroom we call “the brown room” and it’s been a catch all these past two years. That would be a great start and if it gets finished, I’ll have to go out and eat something. Being sober has it’s ups plus I have the extra time now and that gives me the hope I so desperately need and time better spent.

 

I think some kind of hobby would get my drunken mind might just get motivated me taking mind over the drink, don’t know unless I try it right. I sure need something because I am going to loose my future mate. That scares me! I was married once and drinking caused the divorce. I can not relive that again. Guess what I’m saying is that if I take this scared feeling and stop it while I still have time to fix this. Believe I see the light at the end of the tunnel. Why do I want to drink till I drop? I’ve fallen a few times, breaking bones all because I don’t handle the consumption of three beers much less the hard stuff. I just can’t handle it, anymore. That’s my only choice now Putting the plug in the jug. I’ve not had a drink now for 5 days and I want to stop and since the inpatient rehab is not in my future because the VA isn’t going to help me unless I travel to see the Urologist seeing me in Columbus, 120 miles away. I live less than 2 miles from the VA. Doesn’t make any sense to me what so ever.

 

Todays Friday, have a appointment with my Prime Care Doctor and have a list for him. Way to many of my RX medicine that I’ve got to get refills that I have to have. Sorta blew off this Urologist in Columbus and the inpatient for recoverery of  my Diseased Liver. I’m going to try to recover on my own so there it is and on paper that I can do this. Wish me luck!!!

 

Well here’s what I have to say that it was very impressive. Got Broncise a about 3 weeks ago and I founded out I still have it. So I needed a antibody  and Steroids then go home and take a dose as soon as I got something to eat. So after eating I take the medicine and get very sleepy. Took my, in fact I fixed a double dose and couldn’t get to sleep still. EPIK, It’s a great channel that I watch from time, depending on my mental issues. Today is Friday the 26th just before midnight.

 

 

 

Todays the 29th and I have to say- What a wonderful day full of nice things to say. I’m starting to see the light at the end of the end of the tunnel. Starting a over the counter medicine, Omega XL and it’s blowing my mind. This after only 1 week! Hope this is getting anybody lessons to what I am to helping others, to just take a serious enough to do something I’ve said because it’s me, and I want to help others period. Smoking is as bad for us, started the Nicorette CQ 21mg patches.  Only smoked some 10 cigarettes. That is good for me. If I stop period I will get a lot done medically like getting all my teeth removed and pricing dentures. Also get my hammer toe that the surgeon would not touch unless I flat stop smoking. And then get my hip replaced along with my Urinary surgery, I feel safer. The backache I can  live with, for now. I’m really looking forward to my longer lasting life and that’s what I have to do. All for my girlfriend. This is a must for the two of us. My first marriage of 22 years because I was impodent. And I could not get it up. Makes the lady feel like I didn’t want her. That wasn’t the problem, it was me. Peeing was even difficult. The pee was so dark it made a mess of a toilet. I’d really felt the pain just urinating. Embarrassed me for life. I’ll never forget it. Life to me is like box of chocolates still remember those days. Wish I could start all over. I didn’t even  share a tear for the dad I hated my dad, he’s why I went in the Air Force in 1973 didn’t even finish High School, what a drag that was. Only problem now is that’s where I got the habit, drinking!! I Started something I could not stop. What  a unforgiving heart for anybody? I can remember that day. I came home to a telephone ring from the hospital saying that I needed to sign some papers regarding my dads expired condition. He was like on display with the blinds were wide open and a sheet covering his face. It was awful to see and hear. He experienced a great excitement to see him but again he was dead. Thus no tears of any kind. Going home was almost dreadful. Tomorrow will be okay if I keep on keep on keeping on.

 

Yes I’m so sincere for tomorrow will be better for now on. It’s almost 4:30 am this early Monday and I can get some sleep in.

 

Another day, another dollar I say. Got 5 hours of sleep time and I’m ready to start something to increase my skills  straight.

 

Okay now this is without doubt I’ve done it again time, I’ve picked up yet another can of an alcohol drink. Hay but it’s true. I’m a weak bastered that can not think of what I’m doing to myself and that is why I am talking to all of you now. Once you start it can be over copermizing. It’s then that you can not say to yourself STOP!!! Been there and did it and bought the T shirt plus the diploma by myself believe me. Only just saying that the day turned out awful. Feeling guilty is the game of the day. Started up a new medicine and also over the counter, Omega XL and it works and worth the money well spent. The hip pain is all but gone away. Permanently I am hoping. It’s probably a bottle of holy water or snake oil. However I give it A+ and again money well spent. TA! My mom died 1 year ago and it has to be the reason behind the picking up one more time. I’m convinced! It’s one more time, the glue that holds me together. Nothing good happens again. I’m a alcoholic… That’s all. Now I was scheduled to be an inpatient at the VA for rehab. It’ not going to happen now that I have been sort of a bad boy that don’t take orders easy like. My catheter was leaking urine and until I take myself to Columbus, they wouldn’t take me on. Pitty on all that poop. Forgetting it fixed by myself and my health care nurse received over sized catheters, twice over and that was the problem and fixed it. Still I get offed the list forever more. Now meetings are a thing of the past. All of been deleted from my mind. That’s never good. Listening to recovering alcoholics tell the story’s of them self, their over comings just set me off the wrong path. 

Keeping right keeps me straight. This is a have to be. One screw up and it’s over. 

 

Now it’s 6:50 am on Tuesday March first I have to pay off a cash advance by borrowing 200 dollars with interest a total of 231 dollars out of my pocket one more time. All after Christmas. Do it  over again. I make just a little bit over a $1000 and I’m broke most months. I give $500 for rent here so it’s like all the time broke. Thinking about a vacation in the Bahamas and that’s going to be very hard to do. Sometimes it’s hard to be thinking straight to myself. Like today I have to catch a bus to pay this advance back. The trip takes me about an hour each way. It’s a must because I’ll get calls telling me to pay this off today. Ida will hate it but I do have a cell phone that works. I have to do this to keep my credit bad. Improving myself takes time. Watching  the walking dead is on demand and that’s how I catch up. It was  wrestling last night. I’m hooked okay. Talked with a buddy of my UK adventure, the one who rode with me to Wales to escort munitions back to our station. 

 

Now back to yesterday, it All this is going well until I make my first stop. It’s raining now and the wind is blowing up a storm.. I notice that I’m not only wet but also cold. Walking in the rain without a jacket is like something a bull without horns. I’m using the walker supplied to me from the VA and I’ve had this since Jesus wore sandals, shoot I have racked maybe a million miles on this piece of metal, brakes are gone, and yet I like this walker 100%. If I don’t make any sense it’s because I am sick. Seriously sick. I’m strong minded and when I make a planed trip I will finish it. Ended up at my brothers house, spent a good hour and he took me home. It was sort of dumb of me but I didn’t see the weather forecast this day so now the bronchitis thing is worse. Sometimes I’m like that, wish I could stop thinking like I’m superman.

 

                                      

 

Alright readers, it’s time to get down with the nitty gritty. All we’ve learned it’s time that recess is over and no more play. Sorry but this is a serious matter here. I’m convinced that alcohol is passed on from the source. In my case from my father and mother. I experienced it all first hand. After years went by it only got worth the better person. In nearly no time I could drink anyone under the table. Professional I was. I drank daily for the buzz. I felt the best under the influence. Stronger I was, where today I’m the weakest one. Lonely and unsecured is my problem. Nobody made or forced me to drink. That’s the Gods honest truly. Some days I truly hate myself myself to death. So I must be stronger than ever. My kids and grandkids need me to stick around because we love one another. Can’t have recess to continue my story. Has to be one or the other and that’s it. I chose to stick around and that is what keeps me going.

 

I have two children, a girl and a boy. Both have there kids and do alright for themselves. I had chosen to write this some time ago, even years ago really. I love to be putting my thoughts on paper, it makes me feel like I’m accomplishing my dream.. Letting others know what I KNOW!! I’ve been overseas, several different states but never Hawaii. Dayton and raised until I turned 17, old enough to join the service. Decided the Air Force so it was time to make a change over the 17 years old houseman that I was. Joined up on the 23rd of February 1973. Flew to San Antonio Texas for my basic training. Contrary to what I though it was a hell hole. Wanted to break a leg so I could whimp out of the training. It was a bit more than I was expecting. I did get a body out of it. Lost a few pounds and gained muscles and I was indeed fit and ready for anything that got in my way.

 

I was not a trouble maker, just one that had many parties. BYB was the only rule. Today the only thing I ammplished was wash the dishes and cook. Nothing that happened was a good work out. Physical fitness is a have to everyday. If I do this it’s going to make me think positive in everything I do to get done. I love everything that includes me!! All I accomplished besides the house work, was watch TV. Love watching movies! Seems to increase my attention for the good. Puzzles work good, cards are good and it all makes a difference. I can honestly say it all works, keeping substances out of the mind. It will work for anyone who has the strength to keep on keeping on for 1 day at a time. Give this message near to your heart and you will believe it will most defiantly. I want you to help your self everyday. You will not fail. Promise!!!

 

This morning Ida has problems with her right eye. It’s glued shut.

 

I’m about through writing but if an idea should pop up, I’ll be sure to pass it along. Might have mentioned this but I want this working for the whole wide world to achieve their own inabilities to achieve their own addictions and be free from all that’s not good for anyone. Even the straight ones from all the no goods. It’s been gratifying to do this for me and so good luck in your ventures forever. So I will take her to see her eye Doctor maybe as early as tomorrow. I have to work on getting my respect back on my side. I lost the relationship with my then wife and I can’t do again. “NEVER”. I’ve learned that a woman needs love and compassion if it’s going to happen forever. Including sex and that’s always good, a never forever if we want it. Marriage is a sacred thing and it will work for everyone if you want it. The babies will come and you’ll be loved and gain self confidence plus respect. As I have spent on writing this post, I don’t really get to check my email. Just don’t get around to check it as I simply ignore it I guess. Anyway life’s a great joy everyday now that I not drinking today..

 

It is about time to switch gears.. I was as I said in the beginning, I was diagnostic with my Disease back in 1998 in Atlanta. I was treated there at the VA for a hernia repair a few months earlier before I found the bad news. Scared me for sure!!! So when I was seen by the GI department and was told to stop drinking plus given meds for my condition. Weeks went by turning into months. The DRS would always ask me if I had stopped drinking. Of course I’d say yes. They could smell it though and say “no you have not”. Busted slap cold period.. The meds had good effects but I would keep on drinking I wasn’t going to get any better. I did say to myself, “that makes a lot of sense”. However being stubborn all my life I just ignored the warnings. It eventually lost me great job I loved. 3 weeks later my brother and sister come down from Dayton to see I could do anything for myself. Took me two full years to get it through my brain that I had a problem that I HAD to fix and after a broken hip, I felt pain for the first time in  my life. Really that’s the nitty gritty. Got sober for one month and fell off the wagon. That is a low feeling bar none. Tried it once more on July 14, 2006 and stayed sober nearly 9 years which prompted me to say something now because there are a lot of people that will find out by themselves. I want to give my experience with the evil drink. If my siblings had not picked me (and my family except ours only son) I know I would have surely died. So now I’ll make note that I owe my brother a sister my life. I MEAN THAT. So if your like myself and have some issues with ADDICTIONS of any kind, please get help!! There are so many solutions that pertain to these issues.

 

This morning Ida was talking about adopting a boy age mid teens. I had not even dreamed of this. But now I’d be interested in such a challenge. I tried and think I was a good parent to my two. They enjoyed growing up and we ATVs. Sure they got hurt a few times but then started rubbing the boos away, just as I did growing up.

 

Yea I’m starting to really think this over. Being in my 60s I sure this will work. Getting a wee bit anxious for tomorrow after I check it out on-line. Fact is I’m going to do this tonight. Tell you all tomorrow what I find out. 

 

Of the other relatives and got the idea to learn more about motorcycle repair. I stuck with it and found and enrolled to the motorcycle school in Chicago for three months. Got the diploma to prove it. Probably never find it because of all the moving around from one address to another. Learned pretty quickly because while growing up dad bought many motorcycles and so we had to repair these bundles of joy if we wanted to ride and eventually race them also. Dad made enough money that if our bikes needed repair, he’d buy the parts IF we would fix them. What a deal and he would buy tools that were necessary. Fixed a lot of second gear problems.

 

Today I have been sober for 12 Days on my own. I broke my string of 9 years of sobriety. I want to think I was still grieving my moms death, or was the reason. I am not sure that’s what caused it, I hope it was something else. I broke that sobriety two month’s after my mom’s funeral. Today is day 12 that I have not picked up anything containing alcohol and that is good. Todays date is February 17th, 2016. Gotta make it!!

 

Now here’s my problem today. I’ve made several attempts To contact the people that I need for reason to get a Urologist to check my catheter for a leak that’s been leaking that  I know has stopped. I Have done all that’s required of me and there’s nothing else I can do physically. I don’t know what these people expect  of me. Going to take a break now because I bought 3 cocktails tonight so there goes my string once again, my bad. The problem and is I may or may not return. Later People I wish you all, he best

 

Day 3 without a drink, another Saturday, want to work around the house. Lots needing tended to, we have a bedroom we call “the brown room” and it’s been a catch all these past two years. That would be a great start and if it gets finished, I’ll have to go out and eat something. Being sober has it’s ups plus I have the extra time now and that gives me the hope I so desperately need and time better spent.

 

I think some kind of hobby would get my drunken mind might just get motivated me taking mind over the drink, don’t know unless I try it right. I sure need something because I am going to loose my future mate. That scares me! I was married once and drinking caused the divorce. I can not relive that again. Guess what I’m saying is that if I take this scared feeling and stop it while I still have time to fix this. Believe I see the light at the end of the tunnel. Why do I want to drink till I drop? I’ve fallen a few times, breaking bones all because I don’t handle the consumption of three beers much less the hard stuff. I just can’t handle it, anymore. That’s my only choice now Putting the plug in the jug. I’ve not had a drink now for 5 days and I want to stop and since the inpatient rehab is not in my future because the VA isn’t going to help me unless I travel to see the Urologist seeing me in Columbus, 120 miles away. I live less than 2 miles from the VA. Doesn’t make any sense to me what so ever.

 

Todays Friday, have a appointment with my Prime Care Doctor and have a list for him. Way to many of my RX medicine that I’ve got to get refills that I have to have. Sorta blew off this Urologist in Columbus and the inpatient for recoverery of  my Diseased Liver. I’m going to try to recover on my own so there it is and on paper that I can do this. Wish me luck!!!

 

Well here’s what I have to say that it was very impressive. Got Broncise a about 3 weeks ago and I founded out I still have it. So I needed a antibody  and Steroids then go home and take a dose as soon as I got something to eat. So after eating I take the medicine and get very sleepy. Took my, in fact I fixed a double dose and couldn’t get to sleep still. EPIK, It’s a great channel that I watch from time, depending on my mental issues. Today is Friday the 26th just before midnight.

 

 

 

Todays the 29th and I have to say- What a wonderful day full of nice things to say. I’m starting to see the light at the end of the end of the tunnel. Starting a over the counter medicine, Omega XL and it’s blowing my mind. This after only 1 week! Hope this is getting anybody lessons to what I am to helping others, to just take a serious enough to do something I’ve said because it’s me, and I want to help others period. Smoking is as bad for us, started the Nicorette CQ 21mg patches.  Only smoked some 10 cigarettes. That is good for me. If I stop period I will get a lot done medically like getting all my teeth removed and pricing dentures. Also get my hammer toe that the surgeon would not touch unless I flat stop smoking. And then get my hip replaced along with my Urinary surgery, I feel safer. The backache I can  live with, for now. I’m really looking forward to my longer lasting life and that’s what I have to do. All for my girlfriend. This is a must for the two of us. My first marriage of 22 years because I was impodent. And I could not get it up. Makes the lady feel like I didn’t want her. That wasn’t the problem, it was me. Peeing was even difficult. The pee was so dark it made a mess of a toilet. I’d really felt the pain just urinating. Embarrassed me for life. I’ll never forget it. Life to me is like box of chocolates still remember those days. Wish I could start all over. I didn’t even  share a tear for the dad I hated my dad, he’s why I went in the Air Force in 1973 didn’t even finish High School, what a drag that was. Only problem now is that’s where I got the habit, drinking!! I Started something I could not stop. What  a unforgiving heart for anybody? I can remember that day. I came home to a telephone ring from the hospital saying that I needed to sign some papers regarding my dads expired condition. He was like on display with the blinds were wide open and a sheet covering his face. It was awful to see and hear. He experienced a great excitement to see him but again he was dead. Thus no tears of any kind. Going home was almost dreadful. Tomorrow will be okay if I keep on keep on keeping on.

 

Yes I’m so sincere for tomorrow will be better for now on. It’s almost 4:30 am this early Monday and I can get some sleep in.

 

Another day, another dollar I say. Got 5 hours of sleep time and I’m ready to start something to increase my skills  straight.

 

Okay now this is without doubt I’ve done it again time, I’ve picked up yet another can of an alcohol drink. Hay but it’s true. I’m a weak bastered that can not think of what I’m doing to myself and that is why I am talking to all of you now. Once you start it can be over copermizing. It’s then that you can not say to yourself STOP!!! Been there and did it and bought the T shirt plus the diploma by myself believe me. Only just saying that the day turned out awful. Feeling guilty is the game of the day. Started up a new medicine and also over the counter, Omega XL and it works and worth the money well spent. The hip pain is all but gone away. Permanently I am hoping. It’s probably a bottle of holy water or snake oil. However I give it A+ and again money well spent. TA! My mom died 1 year ago and it has to be the reason behind the picking up one more time. I’m convinced! It’s one more time, the glue that holds me together. Nothing good happens again. I’m a alcoholic… That’s all. Now I was scheduled to be an inpatient at the VA for rehab. It’ not going to happen now that I have been sort of a bad boy that don’t take orders easy like. My catheter was leaking urine and until I take myself to Columbus, they wouldn’t take me on. Pitty on all that poop. Forgetting it fixed by myself and my health care nurse received over sized catheters, twice over and that was the problem and fixed it. Still I get offed the list forever more. Now meetings are a thing of the past. All of been deleted from my mind. That’s never good. Listening to recovering alcoholics tell the story’s of them self, their over comings just set me off the wrong path. 

Keeping right keeps me straight. This is a have to be. One screw up and it’s over. 

 

Now it’s 6:50 am on Tuesday March first I have to pay off a cash advance by borrowing 200 dollars with interest a total of 231 dollars out of my pocket one more time. All after Christmas. Do it  over again. I make just a little bit over a $1000 and I’m broke most months. I give $500 for rent here so it’s like all the time broke. Thinking about a vacation in the Bahamas and that’s going to be very hard to do. Sometimes it’s hard to be thinking straight to myself. Like today I have to catch a bus to pay this advance back. The trip takes me about an hour each way. It’s a must because I’ll get calls telling me to pay this off today. Ida will hate it but I do have a cell phone that works. I have to do this to keep my credit bad. Improving myself takes time. Watching  the walking dead is on demand and that’s how I catch up. It was  wrestling last night. I’m hooked okay. Talked with a buddy of my UK adventure, the one who rode with me to Wales to escort munitions back to our station. 

 

Now back to yesterday, it All this is going well until I make my first stop. It’s raining now and the wind is blowing up a storm.. I notice that I’m not only wet but also cold. Walking in the rain without a jacket is like something a bull without horns. I’m using the walker supplied to me from the VA and I’ve had this since Jesus wore sandals, shoot I have racked maybe a million miles on this piece of metal, brakes are gone, and yet I like this walker 100%. If I don’t make any sense it’s because I am sick. Seriously sick. I’m strong minded and when I make a planed trip I will finish it. Ended up at my brothers house, spent a good hour and he took me home. It was sort of dumb of me but I didn’t see the weather forecast this day so now the bronchitis thing is worse. Sometimes I’m like that, wish I could stop thinking like I’m superman.

 

                                      

 

Alright readers, it’s time to get down with the nitty gritty. All we’ve learned it’s time that recess is over and no more play. Sorry but this is a serious matter here. I’m convinced that alcohol is passed on from the source. In my case from my father and mother. I experienced it all first hand. After years went by it only got worth the better person. In nearly no time I could drink anyone under the table. Professional I was. I drank daily for the buzz. I felt the best under the influence. Stronger I was, where today I’m the weakest one. Lonely and unsecured is my problem. Nobody made or forced me to drink. That’s the Gods honest truly. Some days I truly hate myself myself to death. So I must be stronger than ever. My kids and grandkids need me to stick around because we love one another. Can’t have recess to continue my story. Has to be one or the other and that’s it. I chose to stick around and that is what keeps me going.

 

I have two children, a girl and a boy. Both have there kids and do alright for themselves. I had chosen to write this some time ago, even years ago really. I love to be putting my thoughts on paper, it makes me feel like I’m accomplishing my dream.. Letting others know what I KNOW!! I’ve been overseas, several different states but never Hawaii. Dayton and raised until I turned 17, old enough to join the service. Decided the Air Force so it was time to make a change over the 17 years old houseman that I was. Joined up on the 23rd of February 1973. Flew to San Antonio Texas for my basic training. Contrary to what I though it was a hell hole. Wanted to break a leg so I could whimp out of the training. It was a bit more than I was expecting. I did get a body out of it. Lost a few pounds and gained muscles and I was indeed fit and ready for anything that got in my way.

 

I was not a trouble maker, just one that had many parties. BYB was the only rule. Today the only thing I ammplished was wash the dishes and cook. Nothing that happened was a good work out. Physical fitness is a have to everyday. If I do this it’s going to make me think positive in everything I do to get done. I love everything that includes me!! All I accomplished besides the house work, was watch TV. Love watching movies! Seems to increase my attention for the good. Puzzles work good, cards are good and it all makes a difference. I can honestly say it all works, keeping substances out of the mind. It will work for anyone who has the strength to keep on keeping on for 1 day at a time. Give this message near to your heart and you will believe it will most defiantly. I want you to help your self everyday. You will not fail. Promise!!!

 

This morning Ida has problems with her right eye. It’s glued shut.

 

I’m about through writing but if an idea should pop up, I’ll be sure to pass it along. Might have mentioned this but I want this working for the whole wide world to achieve their own inabilities to achieve their own addictions and be free from all that’s not good for anyone. Even the straight ones from all the no goods. It’s been gratifying to do this for me and so good luck in your ventures forever. So I will take her to see her eye Doctor maybe as early as tomorrow. I have to work on getting my respect back on my side. I lost the relationship with my then wife and I can’t do again. “NEVER”. I’ve learned that a woman needs love and compassion if it’s going to happen forever. Including sex and that’s always good, a never forever if we want it. Marriage is a sacred thing and it will work for everyone if you want it. The babies will come and you’ll be loved and gain self confidence plus respect. As I have spent on writing this post, I don’t really get to check my email. Just don’t get around to check it as I simply ignore it I guess. Anyway life’s a great joy everyday now that I not drinking today..

 

It is about time to switch gears.. I was as I said in the beginning, I was diagnostic with my Disease back in 1998 in Atlanta. I was treated there at the VA for a hernia repair a few months earlier before I found the bad news. Scared me for sure!!! So when I was seen by the GI department and was told to stop drinking plus given meds for my condition. Weeks went by turning into months. The DRS would always ask me if I had stopped drinking. Of course I’d say yes. They could smell it though and say “no you have not”. Busted slap cold period.. The meds had good effects but I would keep on drinking I wasn’t going to get any better. I did say to myself, “that makes a lot of sense”. However being stubborn all my life I just ignored the warnings. It eventually lost me great job I loved. 3 weeks later my brother and sister come down from Dayton to see I could do anything for myself. Took me two full years to get it through my brain that I had a problem that I HAD to fix and after a broken hip, I felt pain for the first time in  my life. Really that’s the nitty gritty. Got sober for one month and fell off the wagon. That is a low feeling bar none. Tried it once more on July 14, 2006 and stayed sober nearly 9 years which prompted me to say something now because there are a lot of people that will find out by themselves. I want to give my experience with the evil drink. If my siblings had not picked me (and my family except ours only son) I know I would have surely died. So now I’ll make note that I owe my brother a sister my life. I MEAN THAT. So if your like myself and have some issues with ADDICTIONS of any kind, please get help!! There are so many solutions that pertain to these issues that there is no return.

 

This morning Ida was talking about adopting a boy age mid teens. I had not even dreamed of this. But now I’d be interested in such a challenge. I tried and think I was a good parent to my two. They enjoyed growing up and we ATVs. Sure they got hurt a few times but then started rubbing the boos away, just as I did growing up.

 

Yea I’m starting to really think this over. Being in my 60s I sure this will work. Getting a wee bit anxious for tomorrow after I check it out on-line. Fact is I’m going to do this tonight. Tell you all tomorrow what I find out. Today’s the 29th and I have to say-What a wonderful day full of nice  things to say. I’m starting to see the light at the end of the end of the tunnel. Starting a over the counter medicine, Omega XL and it’s blowing my mind. This after only 1 week! Hope this is getting anybody lessons to what I am to helping others, to just take a serious enough to do something I’ve said because it’s me, and I want to help others period. Smoking is as bad for us, started the Nicorette CQ 21mg patches.  Only smoked some 10 cigarettes. That is good for me. If I stop period I will get a lot done medically like getting all my teeth removed and pricing dentures. Also get my hammer toe that the surgeon would not touch unless I flat stop smoking. And then get my hip replaced along with my Urinary surgery, I feel safer. The backache I can  live with, for now. I’m really looking forward to my longer lasting life and that’s what I have to do. All for my girlfriend. This is a must for the two of us. My first marriage of 22 years because I was impotent. And I could not get it up. Makes the lady feel like I didn’t want her. That wasn’t the problem, it was me. Peeing was even difficult. The pee was so dark it made a mess of a toilet. I’d really felt the pain just urinating. Embarrassed me for life. I’ll never forget it. Life to me is like box of chocolates still remember those days. Wish I could start all over. I didn’t even  share a tear for the dad I hated my dad, he’s why I went in the Air Force in 1973 didn’t even finish High School, what a drag that was. Only problem now is that’s where I got the habit, drinking!! I Started something I could not stop. What  a unforgiving heart for anybody? I can remember that day. I came home to a telephone ring from the hospital saying that I needed to sign some papers regarding my dads expired condition. He was like on display with the blinds were wide open and a sheet covering his face. It was awful to see and hear. He experienced a great excitement to see him but again he was dead. Thus no tears of any kind. Going home was almost dreadful. Tomorrow will be okay if I keep on keep on keeping on.

 

Yes I’m so sincere for tomorrow will be better for now on. It’s almost 4:30 am this early Monday and I can get some sleep in.

 

Another day, another dollar I say. Got 5 hours of sleep time and I’m ready to start something to increase my skills  straight.

 

Okay now this is without doubt I’ve done it again time, I’ve picked up yet another can of an alcohol drink. Hay but it’s true. I’m a weak bastered that can not think of what I’m doing to myself and that is why I am talking to all of you now. Once you start it can be over copermizing. It’s then that you can not say to yourself STOP!!! Been there and did it and bought the T shirt plus the diploma by myself believe me. Only just saying that the day turned out awful. Feeling guilty is the game of the day. Started up a new medicine and also over the counter, Omega XL and it works and worth the money well spent. The hip pain is all but gone away. Permanently I am hoping. It’s probably a bottle of holy water or snake oil. However I give it A+ and again money well spent. TA! My mom died 1 year ago and it has to be the reason behind the picking up one more time. I’m convinced! It’s one more time, the glue that holds me together. Nothing good happens again. I’m a alcoholic… That’s all. Now I was scheduled to be an inpatient at the VA for rehab. It’ not going to happen now that I have been sort of a bad boy that don’t take orders easy like. My catheter was leaking urine and until I take myself to Columbus, they wouldn’t take me on. Pitty on all that poop. Forgetting it fixed by myself and my health care nurse received over sized catheters, twice over and that was the problem and fixed it. Still I get offed the list forever more. Now meetings are a thing of the past. All of been deleted from my mind. That’s never good. Listening to recovering alcoholics tell the story’s of them self, their over comings just set me off the wrong path. 

Keeping right keeps me straight. This is a have to be. One screw up and it’s over. 

 

Now it’s 6:50 am on Tuesday March first I have to pay off a cash advance by borrowing 200 dollars with interest a total of 231 dollars out of my pocket one more time. All after Christmas. Do it  over again. I make just a little bit over a $1000 and I’m broke most months. I give $500 for rent here so it’s like all the time broke. Thinking about a vacation in the Bahamas and that’s going to be very hard to do. Sometimes it’s hard to be thinking straight to myself. Like today I have to catch a bus to pay this advance back. The trip takes me about an hour each way. It’s a must because I’ll get calls telling me to pay this off today. Ida will hate it but I do have a cell phone that works. I have to do this to keep my credit bad. Improving myself takes time. Watching  the walking dead is on demand and that’s how I catch up. It was  wrestling last night. I’m hooked okay. Talked with a buddy of my UK adventure, the one who rode with me to Wales to escort munitions back to our station. 

 

Now back to yesterday, it All this is going well until I make my first stop. It’s raining now and the wind is blowing up a storm.. I notice that I’m not only wet but also cold. Walking in the rain without a jacket is like something a bull without horns. I’m using the walker supplied to me from the VA and I’ve had this since Jesus wore sandals, shoot I have racked maybe a million miles on this piece of metal, brakes are gone, and yet I like this walker 100%. If I don’t make any sense it’s because I am sick. Seriously sick. I’m strong minded and when I make a planed trip I will finish it. Ended up at my brothers house, spent a good hour and he took me home. It was sort of dumb of me but I didn’t see the weather forecast this day so now the bronchitis thing is worse. Sometimes I’m like that, wish I could stop thinking like I’m superman.

 

                                      

 

Alright readers, it’s time to get down with the nitty gritty. All we’ve learned it’s time that recess is over and no more play. Sorry but this is a serious matter here. I’m convinced that alcohol is passed on from the source. In my case from my father and mother. I experienced it all first hand. After years went by it only got worth the better person. In nearly no time I could drink anyone under the table. Professional I was. I drank daily for the buzz. I felt the best under the influence. Stronger I was, where today I’m the weakest one. Lonely and unsecured is my problem. Nobody made or forced me to drink. That’s the Gods honest truly. Some days I truly hate myself myself to death. So I must be stronger than ever. My kids and grandkids need me to stick around because we love one another. Can’t have recess to continue my story. Has to be one or the other and that’s it. I chose to stick around and that is what keeps me going.

 

I have two children, a girl and a boy. Both have there kids and do alright for themselves. I had chosen to write this some time ago, even years ago really. I love to be putting my thoughts on paper, it makes me feel like I’m accomplishing my dream.. Letting others know what I KNOW!! I’ve been overseas, several different states but never Hawaii. Dayton and raised until I turned 17, old enough to join the service. Decided the Air Force so it was time to make a change over the 17 years old houseman that I was. Joined up on the 23rd of February 1973. Flew to San Antonio Texas for my basic training. Contrary to what I though it was a hell hole. Wanted to break a leg so I could whimp out of the training. It was a bit more than I was expecting. I did get a body out of it. Lost a few pounds and gained muscles and I was indeed fit and ready for anything that got in my way.

 

I was not a trouble maker, just one that had many parties. BYB was the only rule. Today the only thing I ammplished was wash the dishes and cook. Nothing that happened was a good work out. Physical fitness is a have to everyday. If I do this it’s going to make me think positive in everything I do to get done. I love everything that includes me!! All I accomplished besides the house work, was watch TV. Love watching movies! Seems to increase my attention for the good. Puzzles work good, cards are good and it all makes a difference. I can honestly say it all works, keeping substances out of the mind. It will work for anyone who has the strength to keep on keeping on for 1 day at a time. Give this message near to your heart and you will believe it will most defiantly. I want you to help your self everyday. You will not fail. Promise!!!

 

This morning Ida has problems with her right eye. It’s glued shut.

 

I’m about through writing but if an idea should pop up, I’ll be sure to pass it along. Might have mentioned this but I want this working for the whole wide world to achieve their own inabilities to achieve their own addictions and be free from all that’s not good for anyone. Even the straight ones from all the no goods. It’s been gratifying to do this for me and so good luck in your ventures forever. So I will take her to see her eye Doctor maybe as early as tomorrow. I have to work on getting my respect back on my side. I lost the relationship with my then wife and I can’t do again. “NEVER”. I’ve learned that a woman needs love and compassion if it’s going to happen forever. Including sex and that’s always good, a never forever if we want it. Marriage is a sacred thing and it will work for everyone if you want it. The babies will come and you’ll be loved and gain self confidence plus respect. As I have spent on writing this post, I don’t really get to check my email. Just don’t get around to check it as I simply ignore it I guess. Anyway life’s a great joy everyday now that I not drinking today..

 

It is about time to switch gears.. I was as I said in the beginning, I was diagnostic with my Disease back in 1998 in Atlanta. I was treated there at the VA for a hernia repair a few months earlier before I found the bad news. Scared me for sure!!! So when I was seen by the GI department and was told to stop drinking plus given meds for my condition. Weeks went by turning into months. The DRS would always ask me if I had stopped drinking. Of course I’d say yes. They could smell it though and say “no you have not”. Busted slap cold period.. The meds had good effects but I would keep on drinking I wasn’t going to get any better. I did say to myself, “that makes a lot of sense”. However being stubborn all my life I just ignored the warnings. It eventually lost me great job I loved. 3 weeks later my brother and sister come down from Dayton to see I could do anything for myself. Took me two full years to get it through my brain that I had a problem that I HAD to fix and after a broken hip, I felt pain for the first time in  my life. Really that’s the nitty gritty. Got sober for one month and fell off the wagon. That is a low feeling bar none. Tried it once more on July 14, 2006 and stayed sober nearly 9 years which prompted me to say something now because there are a lot of people that will find out by themselves. I want to give my experience with the evil drink. If my siblings had not picked me (and my family except ours only son) I know I would have surely died. So now I’ll make note that I owe my brother a sister my life. I MEAN THAT. So if your like myself and have some issues with ADDICTIONS of any kind, please get help!! There are so many solutions that pertain to this and we each more than likely know what it is. So we have to do the work to beginning.

 

This morning Ida was talking about adopting a boy age mid teens. I had not even dreamed of this. But now I’d be interested in such a challenge. I tried and think I was a good parent to my two. They enjoyed growing up and we ATVs. Sure they got hurt a few times but then started rubbing the boos away, just as I did growing up.

 

Yea I’m starting to really think this over. Being in my 60s I sure this will work. Getting a wee bit anxious for tomorrow after I check it out on-line. Fact is I’m going to do this tonight. Tell you all tomorrow what I find out. 

 

things to say.  I’m starting to see the light at the end of the end of the tunnel. Starting a over the counter medicine, Omega XL and it’s blowing my mind. This after only 1 week! Hope this is getting anybody lessons to what I am to helping others, to just take a serious enough to do something I’ve said because it’s me, and I want to help others period. Smoking is as bad for us, started the Nicorette CQ 21mg patches.  Only smoked some 10 cigarettes. That is good for me. If I stop period I will get a lot done medically like getting all my teeth removed and pricing dentures. Also get my hammer toe that the surgeon would not touch unless I flat stop smoking. And then get my hip replaced along with my Urinary surgery, I feel safer. The backache I can  live with, for now. I’m really looking forward to my longer lasting life and that’s what I have to do. All for my girlfriend. This is a must for the two of us. My first marriage of 22 years because I was impotent. And I could not get it up. Makes the lady feel like I didn’t want her. That wasn’t the problem, it was me. Peeing was even difficult. The pee was so dark it made a mess of a toilet. I’d really felt the pain just urinating. Embarrassed me for life. I’ll never forget it. Life to me is like box of chocolates still remember those days. Wish I could start all over. I didn’t even  share a tear for the dad I hated my dad, he’s why I went in the Air Force in 1973 didn’t even finish High School, what a drag that was. Only problem now is that’s where I got the habit, drinking!! I Started something I could not stop. What  a unforgiving heart for anybody? I can remember that day. I came home to a telephone ring from the hospital saying that I needed to sign some papers regarding my dads expired condition. He was like on display with the blinds were wide open and a sheet covering his face. It was awful to see and hear. He experienced a great excitement to see him but again he was dead. Thus no tears of any kind. Going home was almost dreadful. Tomorrow will be okay if I keep on keep on keeping on.

 

Yes I’m so sincere for tomorrow will be better for now on. It’s almost 4:30 am this early Monday and I can get some sleep in.

 

Another day, another dollar I say. Got 5 hours of sleep time and I’m ready to start something to increase my skills  straight.

 

Okay now this is without doubt I’ve done it again time, I’ve picked up yet another can of an alcohol drink. Hay but it’s true. I’m a weak bastered that can not think of what I’m doing to myself and that is why I am talking to all of you now. Once you start it can be over copermizing. It’s then that you can not say to yourself STOP!!! Been there and did it and bought the T shirt plus the diploma by myself believe me. Only just saying that the day turned out awful. Feeling guilty is the game of the day. Started up a new medicine and also over the counter, Omega XL and it works and worth the money well spent. The hip pain is all but gone away. Permanently I am hoping. It’s probably a bottle of holy water or snake oil. However I give it A+ and again money well spent. TA! My mom died 1 year ago and it has to be the reason behind the picking up one more time. I’m convinced! It’s one more time, the glue that holds me together. Nothing good happens again. I’m a alcoholic… That’s all. Now I was scheduled to be an inpatient at the VA for rehab. It’ not going to happen now that I have been sort of a bad boy that don’t take orders easy like. My catheter was leaking urine and until I take myself to Columbus, they wouldn’t take me on. Pitty on all that poop. Forgetting it fixed by myself and my health care nurse received over sized catheters, twice over and that was the problem and fixed it. Still I get offed the list forever more. Now meetings are a thing of the past. All of been deleted from my mind. That’s never good. Listening to recovering alcoholics tell the story’s of them self, their over comings just set me off the wrong path. 

Keeping right keeps me straight. This is a have to be. One screw up and it’s over. 

 

Now it’s 6:50 am on Tuesday March first I have to pay off a cash advance by borrowing 200 dollars with interest a total of 231 dollars out of my pocket one more time. All after Christmas. Do it  over again. I make just a little bit over a $1000 and I’m broke most months. I give $500 for rent here so it’s like all the time broke. Thinking about a vacation in the Bahamas and that’s going to be very hard to do. Sometimes it’s hard to be thinking straight to myself. Like today I have to catch a bus to pay this advance back. The trip takes me about an hour each way. It’s a must because I’ll get calls telling me to pay this off today. Ida will hate it but I do have a cell phone that works. I have to do this to keep my credit bad. Improving myself takes time. Watching  the walking dead is on demand and that’s how I catch up. It was  wrestling last night. I’m hooked okay. Talked with a buddy of my UK adventure, the one who rode with me to Wales to escort munitions back to our station. 

 

Now back to yesterday, it All this is going well until I make my first stop. It’s raining now and the wind is blowing up a storm.. I notice that I’m not only wet but also cold. Walking in the rain without a jacket is like something a bull without horns. I’m using the walker supplied to me from the VA and I’ve had this since Jesus wore sandals, shoot I have racked maybe a million miles on this piece of metal, brakes are gone, and yet I like this walker 100%. If I don’t make any sense it’s because I am sick. Seriously sick. I’m strong minded and when I make a planed trip I will finish it. Ended up at my brothers house, spent a good hour and he took me home. It was sort of dumb of me but I didn’t see the weather forecast this day so now the bronchitis thing is worse. Sometimes I’m like that, wish I could stop thinking like I’m superman.

 

                                      

 

Alright readers, it’s time to get down with the nitty gritty. All we’ve learned it’s time that recess is over and no more play. Sorry but this is a serious matter here. I’m convinced that alcohol is passed on from the source. In my case from my father and mother. I experienced it all first hand. After years went by it only got worth the better person. In nearly no time I could drink anyone under the table. Professional I was. I drank daily for the buzz. I felt the best under the influence. Stronger I was, where today I’m the weakest one. Lonely and unsecured is my problem. Nobody made or forced me to drink. That’s the Gods honest truly. Some days I truly hate myself myself to death. So I must be stronger than ever. My kids and grandkids need me to stick around because we love one another. Can’t have recess to continue my story. Has to be one or the other and that’s it. I chose to stick around and that is what keeps me going.

 

I have two children, a girl and a boy. Both have there kids and do alright for themselves. I had chosen to write this some time ago, even years ago really. I love to be putting my thoughts on paper, it makes me feel like I’m accomplishing my dream.. Letting others know what I KNOW!! I’ve been overseas, several different states but never Hawaii. Dayton and raised until I turned 17, old enough to join the service. Decided the Air Force so it was time to make a change over the 17 years old houseman that I was. Joined up on the 23rd of February 1973. Flew to San Antonio Texas for my basic training. Contrary to what I though it was a hell hole. Wanted to break a leg so I could whimp out of the training. It was a bit more than I was expecting. I did get a body out of it. Lost a few pounds and gained muscles and I was indeed fit and ready for anything that got in my way.

 

I was not a trouble maker, just one that had many parties. BYB was the only rule. Today the only thing I ammplished was wash the dishes and cook. Nothing that happened was a good work out. Physical fitness is a have to everyday. If I do this it’s going to make me think positive in everything I do to get done. I love everything that includes me!! All I accomplished besides the house work, was watch TV. Love watching movies! Seems to increase my attention for the good. Puzzles work good, cards are good and it all makes a difference. I can honestly say it all works, keeping substances out of the mind. It will work for anyone who has the strength to keep on keeping on for 1 day at a time. Give this message near to your heart and you will believe it will most defiantly. I want you to help your self everyday. You will not fail. Promise!!!

 

This morning Ida has problems with her right eye. It’s glued shut.

 

I’m about through writing but if an idea should pop up, I’ll be sure to pass it along. Might have mentioned this but I want this working for the whole wide world to achieve their own inabilities to achieve their own addictions and be free from all that’s not good for anyone. Even the straight ones from all the no goods. It’s been gratifying to do this for me and so good luck in your ventures forever. So I will take her to see her eye Doctor maybe as early as tomorrow. I have to work on getting my respect back on my side. I lost the relationship with my then wife and I can’t do again. “NEVER”. I’ve learned that a woman needs love and compassion if it’s going to happen forever. Including sex and that’s always good, a never forever if we want it. Marriage is a sacred thing and it will work for everyone if you want it. The babies will come and you’ll be loved and gain self confidence plus respect. As I have spent on writing this post, I don’t really get to check my email. Just don’t get around to check it as I simply ignore it I guess. Anyway life’s a great joy everyday now that I not drinking today..

 

It is about time to switch gears.. I was as I said in the beginning, I was diagnostic with my Disease back in 1998 in Atlanta. I was treated there at the VA for a hernia repair a few months earlier before I found the bad news. Scared me for sure!!! So when I was seen by the GI department and was told to stop drinking plus given meds for my condition. Weeks went by turning into months. The DRS would always ask me if I had stopped drinking. Of course I’d say yes. They could smell it though and say “no you have not”. Busted slap cold period.. The meds had good effects but I would keep on drinking I wasn’t going to get any better. I did say to myself, “that makes a lot of sense”. However being stubborn all my life I just ignored the warnings. It eventually lost me great job I loved. 3 weeks later my brother and sister come down from Dayton to see I could do anything for myself. Took me two full years to get it through my brain that I had a problem that I HAD to fix and after a broken hip, I felt pain for the first time in  my life. Really that’s the nitty gritty. Got sober for one month and fell off the wagon. That is a low feeling bar none. Tried it once more on July 14, 2006 and stayed sober nearly 9 years which prompted me to say something now because there are a lot of people that will find out by themselves. I want to give my experience with the evil drink. If my siblings had not picked me (and my family except ours only son) I know I would have surely died. So now I’ll make note that I owe my brother a sister my life. I MEAN THAT. So if your like myself and have some issues with ADDICTIONS of any kind, please get help!! There are so many solutions that pertain to these issues that there is no reason at all seeking help.

     

 

This morning Ida was talking about adopting a boy age mid teens. I had not even dreamed of this. But now I’d be interested in such a challenge. I tried and think I was a good parent to my two. They enjoyed growing up and we ATVs. Sure they got hurt a few times but then started rubbing the boos away, just as I did growing up.

 

Yea I’m starting to really think this over. Being in my 60s I sure this will work. Getting a wee bit anxious for tomorrow after I check it out on-line. Fact is I’m going to do this tonight. Tell you all tomorrow what I find out. 

 

I’m starting to see the light at the end of the end of the tunnel. . Starting a over the counter medicine, Omega XL and it’s blowing my mind.  enough to do something I’ve said because it’s me, and I want to help others period. Smoking is as bad for us, started the Nicorette CQ 21mg patches.  Only smoked some 10 cigarettes. That is good for me. If I stop period I will get a lot done medically like getting all my teeth removed and pricing dentures. Also get my hammer toe that the surgeon would not touch unless I flat stop smoking. And then get my hip replaced along with my Urinary surgery, I feel safer. The backache I can  live with, for now. I’m really looking forward to my longer lasting life and that’s what I have to do. All for my girlfriend. This is a must for the two of us. My first marriage of 22 years because I was impotent. And I could not get it up. Makes the lady feel like I didn’t want her. That wasn’t the problem, it was me. Peeing was even difficult. The pee was so dark it made a mess of a toilet. I’d really felt the pain just urinating. Embarrassed me for life. I’ll never forget it. Life to me is like box of chocolates still remember those days. Wish I could start all over. I didn’t even  share a tear for the dad I hated my dad, he’s why I went in the Air Force in 1973 didn’t even finish High School, what a drag that was. Only problem now is that’s where I got the habit, drinking!! I Started something I could not stop. What  a unforgiving heart for anybody? I can remember that day. I came home to a telephone ring from the hospital saying that I needed to sign some papers regarding my dads expired condition. He was like on display with the blinds were wide open and a sheet covering his face. It was awful to see and hear. He experienced a great excitement to see him but again he was dead. Thus no tears of any kind. Going home was almost dreadful. Tomorrow will be okay if I keep on keep on keeping on.

 

Yes I’m so sincere for tomorrow will be better for now on. It’s almost 4:30 am this early Monday and I can get some sleep in.

 

Another day, another dollar I say. Got 5 hours of sleep time and I’m ready to start something to increase my skills  straight.

 

Okay now this is without doubt I’ve done it again time, I’ve picked up yet another can of an alcohol drink. Hay but it’s true. I’m a weak bastered that can not think of what I’m doing to myself and that is why I am talking to all of you now. Once you start it can be over copermizing. It’s then that you can not say to yourself STOP!!! Been there and did it and bought the T shirt plus the diploma by myself believe me. Only just saying that the day turned out awful. Feeling guilty is the game of the day. Started up a new medicine and also over the counter, Omega XL and it works and worth the money well spent. The hip pain is all but gone away. Permanently I am hoping. It’s probably a bottle of holy water or snake oil. However I give it A+ and again money well spent. TA! My mom died 1 year ago and it has to be the reason behind the picking up one more time. I’m convinced! It’s one more time, the glue that holds me together. Nothing good happens again. I’m a alcoholic… That’s all. Now I was scheduled to be an inpatient at the VA for rehab. It’ not going to happen now that I have been sort of a bad boy that don’t take orders easy like. My catheter was leaking urine and until I take myself to Columbus, they wouldn’t take me on. Pitty on all that poop. Forgetting it fixed by myself and my health care nurse received over sized catheters, twice over and that was the problem and fixed it. Still I get offed the list forever more. Now meetings are a thing of the past. All of been deleted from my mind. That’s never good. Listening to recovering alcoholics tell the story’s of them self, their over comings just set me off the wrong path. 

Keeping right keeps me straight. This is a have to be. One screw up and it’s over. 

 

Now it’s 6:50 am on Tuesday March first I have to pay off a cash advance by borrowing 200 dollars with interest a total of 231 dollars out of my pocket one more time. All after Christmas. Do it  over again. I make just a little bit over a $1000 and I’m broke most months. I give $500 for rent here so it’s like all the time broke. Thinking about a vacation in the Bahamas and that’s going to be very hard to do. Sometimes it’s hard to be thinking straight to myself. Like today I have to catch a bus to pay this advance back. The trip takes me about an hour each way. It’s a must because I’ll get calls telling me to pay this off today. Ida will hate it but I do have a cell phone that works. I have to do this to keep my credit bad. Improving myself takes time. Watching  the walking dead is on demand and that’s how I catch up. It was  wrestling last night. I’m hooked okay. Talked with a buddy of my UK adventure, the one who rode with me to Wales to escort munitions back to our station. 

 

Now back to yesterday, it All this is going well until I make my first stop. It’s raining now and the wind is blowing up a storm.. I notice that I’m not only wet but also cold. Walking in the rain without a jacket is like something a bull without horns. I’m using the walker supplied to me from the VA and I’ve had this since Jesus wore sandals, shoot I have racked maybe a million miles on this piece of metal, brakes are gone, and yet I like this walker 100%. If I don’t make any sense it’s because I am sick. Seriously sick. I’m strong minded and when I make a planed trip I will finish it. Ended up at my brothers house, spent a good hour and he took me home. It was sort of dumb of me but I didn’t see the weather forecast this day so now the bronchitis thing is worse. Sometimes I’m like that, wish I could stop thinking like I’m superman.

 

                                      

 

Alright readers, it’s time to get down with the nitty gritty. All we’ve learned it’s time that recess is over and no more play. Sorry but this is a serious matter here. I’m convinced that alcohol is passed on from the source. In my case from my father and mother. I experienced it all first hand. After years went by it only got worth the better person. In nearly no time I could drink anyone under the table. Professional I was. I drank daily for the buzz. I felt the best under the influence. Stronger I was, where today I’m the weakest one. Lonely and unsecured is my problem. Nobody made or forced me to drink. That’s the Gods honest truly. Some days I truly hate myself myself to death. So I must be stronger than ever. My kids and grandkids need me to stick around because we love one another. Can’t have recess to continue my story. Has to be one or the other and that’s it. I chose to stick around and that is what keeps me going.

 

I have two children, a girl and a boy. Both have there kids and do alright for themselves. I had chosen to write this some time ago, even years ago really. I love to be putting my thoughts on paper, it makes me feel like I’m accomplishing my dream.. Letting others know what I KNOW!! I’ve been overseas, several different states but never Hawaii. Dayton and raised until I turned 17, old enough to join the service. Decided the Air Force so it was time to make a change over the 17 years old houseman that I was. Joined up on the 23rd of February 1973. Flew to San Antonio Texas for my basic training. Contrary to what I though it was a hell hole. Wanted to break a leg so I could whimp out of the training. It was a bit more than I was expecting. I did get a body out of it. Lost a few pounds and gained muscles and I was indeed fit and ready for anything that got in my way.

 

I was not a trouble maker, just one that had many parties. BYB was the only rule. Today the only thing I ammplished was wash the dishes and cook. Nothing that happened was a good work out. Physical fitness is a have to everyday. If I do this it’s going to make me think positive in everything I do to get done. I love everything that includes me!! All I accomplished besides the house work, was watch TV. Love watching movies! Seems to increase my attention for the good. Puzzles work good, cards are good and it all makes a difference. I can honestly say it all works, keeping substances out of the mind. It will work for anyone who has the strength to keep on keeping on for 1 day at a time. Give this message near to your heart and you will believe it will most defiantly. I want you to help yourself.

 

I’m about through writing but if an idea should pop up, I’ll be sure to pass it along. Might have mentioned this but I want this working for the whole wide world to achieve their own inabilities to achieve their own addictions and be free from all that’s not good for anyone. Even the straight ones from all the no goods. It’s been gratifying to do this for me and so good luck in your ventures forever. So I will take her to see her eye Doctor maybe as early as tomorrow. I have to work on getting my respect back on my side. I lost the relationship with my then wife and I can’t do again. “NEVER”. I’ve learned that a woman needs love and compassion if it’s going to happen forever. Including sex and that’s always good, a never forever if we want it. Marriage is a sacred thing and it will work for everyone if you want it. The babies will come and you’ll be loved and gain self confidence plus respect. As I have spent on writing this post, I don’t really get to check my email. Just don’t get around to check it as I simply ignore it I guess. Anyway life’s a great joy everyday now that I not drinking today..

 

It is about time to switch gears.. I was as I said in the beginning, I was diagnostic with my Disease back in 1998 in Atlanta. I was treated there at the VA for a hernia repair a few months earlier before I found the bad news. Scared me for sure!!! So when I was seen by the GI department and was told to stop drinking plus given meds for my condition. Weeks went by turning into months. The DRS would always ask me if I had stopped drinking. Of course I’d say yes. They could smell it though and say “no you have not”. Busted slap cold period.. The meds had good effects but I would keep on drinking I wasn’t going to get any better. I did say to myself, “that makes a lot of sense”. However being stubborn all my life I just ignored the warnings. It eventually lost me great job I loved. 3 weeks later my brother and sister come down from Dayton to see I could do anything for myself. Took me two full years to get it through my brain that I had a problem that I HAD to fix and after a broken hip, I felt pain for the first time in  my life. Really that’s the nitty gritty. Got sober for one month and fell off the wagon. That is a low feeling bar none. Tried it once more on July 14, 2006 and stayed sober nearly 9 years which prompted me to say something now because there are a lot of people that will find out by themselves. I want to give my experience with the evil drink. If my siblings had not picked me (and my family except ours only son) I know I would have surely died. So now I’ll make note that I owe my brother a sister my life. I MEAN THAT. So if your like myself and have some issues with ADDICTIONS of any kind, please get help!! There are so many solutions that pertain to these issues that there is no reason at all seeking help.

                                  

                                         

 

                            

 

This morning Ida was talking about adopting a boy age mid teens. I had not even dreamed of this. But now I’d be interested in such a challenge. I tried and think I was a good parent to my two. They enjoyed growing up and we ATVs. Sure they got hurt a few times but then started rubbing the boos away, just as I did growing up.

 

Yea I’m starting to really think this over. Being in my 60s I’m sure this will work. Getting a wee bit anxious for tomorrow after I check it out on-line. Fact is I’m going to do this tonight. Tell you all tomorrow what I find out.  I’m starting to see the light at the end of the end of the tunnel. Starting a over the counter medicine, Omega XL and it’s blowing my mind. This after only 1 week! Hope this is getting anybody lessons to what I am to helping others, to just take a serious enough to do something I’ve said because it’s me, and I want to help others period

 

I’ve done a lot medically like getting all my teeth removed and pricing dentures. Also get my hammer toe that the surgeon would not touch unless I flat stop smoking.   lot done medically like getting all my teeth removed and pricing dentures. Also get my hammer toe that the surgeon would not touch unless I flat stop smoking.  This is a must for the two of us. My first marriage of 22 years because I was impotent. And I could not get it up. Makes the lady feel like I didn’t want her. That wasn’t the problem, it was me. Peeing was even difficult. The pee was so dark it made a mess of a toilet. I’d really felt the pain just urinating. Embarrassed me for life. I’ll never forget it. Life to me is like box of chocolates still remember those days. Wish I could start all over. I didn’t even  share a tear for the dad I hated my dad, he’s why I went in the Air Force in 1973 didn’t even finish High School, what a drag that was. Only problem now is that’s where I got the habit, drinking!! I Started something I could not stop. What  a unforgiving heart for anybody? I can remember that day. I came home to a telephone ring from the hospital saying that I needed to sign some papers regarding my dads expired condition. He was like on display with the blinds were wide open and a sheet covering his face. It was awful to see and hear. He experienced a great excitement to see him but again he was dead. Thus no tears of any kind. Going home was almost dreadful. Tomorrow will be okay if I keep on keep on keeping on.

 

Yes I’m so sincere for tomorrow will be better for now on. It’s almost 4:30 am

 

I not only want quit smoking but I MUST because I have get my r/h hip repaired, My urinary problem fixed. I have chronic back pain that I take ibuprofen to ease the pain. I’m really looking forward to my longer lasting life and that’s what I have to do. All for my girlfriend. This is a must for the two of us. My first marriage of 22 years because I was impotent.

And I could not get it up. Makes the lady feel like I didn’t want her. That wasn’t the problem, it was me. Peeing was even difficult. The pee was so dark it made a mess of a toilet. I’d really felt the pain just urinating. Embarrassed me for life. I’ll never forget it. Life to me is like box of chocolates still remember those days.  I’d really felt the pain just urinating. Embarrassed me for life. I’ll never forget it.   Life to me is like box of chocolates still remember those days. Wish I could start all over. My dying the way he did because he was young. And you might think (If his dad died as young as he was, that I would just say, so why did you drink like he did) I should have not did, but I did it anyway. I didn’t even  share a tear for the dad I hated my dad, he’s why I went in the Air Force in 1973 didn’t even finish High School, what a drag that was. Only problem now is that’s where I got the habit, drinking!!  He was like on display with the blinds were wide open and a sheet covering his face. It was awful to see and hear. He experienced a great excitement to see him but again he was dead. Thus no tears of any kind. Going home was almost dreadful. Tomorrow will be okay if I keep on keep on keeping on.

 

Yes I’m so sincere for tomorrow will be better for now on. It’s almost 4:30 am this early Monday and I can get some sleep in.

 

Another day, another dollar I say. Got 5 hours of sleep time and I’m ready to start something to increase my skills  straight.

 

Okay now this is without doubt I’ve done it again time, I’ve picked up yet another can of an alcohol drink. Hay but it’s true. I’m a weak bastered that can not think of what I’m doing to myself and that is why I am talking to all of you now. Once you start it can be over copermizing. It’s then that you can not say to yourself STOP!!! Been there and did it and bought the T shirt plus the diploma by myself believe me. Only just saying that the day turned out awful. Feeling guilty is the game of the day. Started up a new medicine and also over the counter, Omega XL and it works and worth the money well spent. The hip pain is all but gone away. Permanently I am hoping. It’s probably a bottle of holy water or snake oil. However I give it A+ and again money well spent. TA! My mom died 1 year ago and it has to be the reason behind the picking up one more time. I’m convinced! It’s one more time, the glue that holds me together. Nothing good happens again. I’m a alcoholic… That’s all. Now I was scheduled to be an inpatient at the VA for rehab. It’ not going to happen now that I have been sort of a bad boy that don’t take orders easy like. My catheter was leaking urine and until I take myself to Columbus, they wouldn’t take me on. Pitty on all that poop. Forgetting it fixed by myself and my health care nurse received over sized catheters, twice over and that was the problem and fixed it. Still I get offed the list forever more. Now meetings are a thing of the past. All of been deleted from my old scrapbook. I Started something I could not stop. What  a unforgiving heart for anybody? I can remember that day. I came home to a telephone ring from the hospital saying that I needed to sign some papers regarding my dads expired condition. He was like on display with the blinds were wide open and a sheet covering his face. It was awful to see and hear.  I experienced a great excitement to see him but again, he was dead. Thus no tears of any kind. Going home was almost dreadful. Tomorrow will be okay if I keep on keep on keeping on. He experienced a great excitement to see him but again he was dead. Thus no tears of any kind. Going home was almost dreadful. Tomorrow will be okay if I keep on keep on keeping on.  He experienced a great excitement to see him but again he was dead. Thus no tears of any kind. Going home was almost like a very long trip.

 

He experienced a great excitement to see him but again he was dead. Thus no tears of any kind. Going home was almost dreadful. Tomorrow will be okay if I keep on keep on keeping on. Yes I’m so sincere for tomorrow will be better for now on. It’s almost 4:30 am this early Monday and I can get some sleep in.

 

Another day, another dollar I say. Got 5 hours of sleep time and I’m ready to start something to increase my skills  straight. Okay now this is without doubt I’ve done it again time, I’ve picked up yet another can of an alcohol drink. Hay but it’s true.  I’m a weak bastered that can not think of what I’m doing to myself and that is why I am talking to all of you now. Once you start it can be over compromising. It’s then that you can not say to yourself STOP!!! Been there and did it and bought the T shirt plus the diploma by myself believe me. Only just saying that the day turned out awful. Feeling guilty is the game of the day. Started up a new medicine and also over the counter, Omega XL and it works and worth the money well. Only just saying that the day turned out awful. Feeling guilty is the game of the day. Started up a new medicine and also over the counter, Omega XL and it works and worth the money well spent. The hip pain is all but gone away. Permanently I am hoping.

 

Only just saying that the day turned out awful. Feeling guilty is the game of the day. Started up a new medicine and also over the counter, Omega XL and it works and worth the money well spent. The hip pain is all but gone away. Permanently I am hoping.

Only just saying that the day turned out awful. Feeling guilty is the game of the day. Started up a new medicine and also over the counter, Omega XL and it works and worth the money well spent. The hip pain is all but gone away. Permanently I am hoping It’s probably a bottle of holy water or snake oil. However I give it A+ and again money well spent. TA! My mom died 1 year ago and it has to be the reason behind the picking up one more time. I’m convinced! It’s one more time, the glue that holds me together. Nothing good happens again. I’m a alcoholic… That’s all.  Now I was scheduled to be an inpatient at the VA for rehab. It’ not going to happen now that I have been sort of a bad boy that don’t take orders easy like. My catheter was leaking urine and until I take myself to Columbus, they wouldn’t take me on. Pitty on all that poop.

 

 Now I was scheduled to be an inpatient at the VA for rehab. It’ not going to happen now that I have been sort of a bad boy that don’t take orders easy like. My catheter was leaking urine and until I take myself to Columbus, they wouldn’t take me on. Pitty on all that poop.  Forgetting it got fixed by myself and my health care nurse received over sized catheters, twice over and that was the problem and fixed it. Still I get offed the list forever more. Now meetings are a thing of the past. All of been deleted from my mind. That’s never good. Listening to recovering alcoholics tell the story’s of them self, their over comings just set me off the wrong path. Keeping right keeps me straight. This is a have to be. One screw up and it’s over. Now it’s 6:50 am on Tuesday March first I have to pay off a cash advance by borrowing 200 dollars with interest a total of 231 dollars out of my pocket one more time. All after Christmas. Do it  over again. I make just a little bit over a $1000 and I’m broke most months. I give $500 for rent here so it’s like all the time broke.  Thinking about a vacation in the Bahamas and that’s going to be very hard to do. Sometimes it’s hard to be thinking straight to myself. Like today I have to catch a bus to pay this advance back. The trip takes me about an hour each way. It’s a must because I’ll get calls telling me to pay this off today. Ida will hate it but I do have a cell phone that works. I have to do this to keep my credit bad. Improving myself takes time. Watching  the walking dead is on demand and that’s how I catch up. It was  wrestling last night. I’m hooked okay. Talked with a buddy of my UK adventure, the one who rode with me to Wales to escort munitions back to our station.  Now back to yesterday,  it All this is going well until I make my first stop. It’s raining now and the wind is blowing up a storm.. I notice that I’m not only wet but also cold. Walking in the rain without a jacket is like something a bull without horns. I’m using the walker supplied to me from the VA and I’ve had this since Jesus wore sandals, shoot I have racked maybe a million miles on this piece of metal, brakes are gone, and yet I like this walker 100%. If I don’t make any sense it’s because I am sick. Seriously sick.

 

Now back to yesterday, it All this is going well until I make my first stop. It’s raining now and the wind is blowing up a storm.. Now back to yesterday, it All this is going well until I make my first stop. It’s raining now and the wind is blowing up a storm..  I notice that I’m not only wet but also cold. Walking in the rain without a jacket is like something a bull without horns. I’m using the walker supplied to me from the VA and I’ve had this since Jesus wore sandals, shoot I have racked maybe a million miles on this piece of metal, brakes are gone, and yet I like this walker 100%. If I don’t make any sense it’s because I am sick. Seriously sick. I’m strong minded and when I make a planed trip I will finish it. Ended up at my brothers house, spent a good hour and he took me home. It was sort of dumb of me but I didn’t see the weather forecast this day so now the bronchitis thing is worse. Sometimes I’m like that, wish I could stop thinking like I’m superman.

 

Alright readers, it’s time to get down with the nitty gritty. All we’ve learned it’s time that recess is over and no more play. Sorry but this is a serious matter here. I’m convinced that alcohol is passed on from the source. In my case from my father and mother. . I experienced it all first hand. After years went by it only got worth the better person. In nearly no time I could drink anyone under the table. Professional I was. I drank daily for the buzz. I felt the best under the influence. Stronger I was, where today I’m the weakest one.          Professional I was. I drank daily for the buzz. I felt the best under the influence. Stronger I was, where today I’m the weakest one. Lonely and unsecured is my problem. Nobody made or forced me to drink. That’s the Gods honest truly. Some days I truly hate myself myself to death. So I must be stronger than ever. My kids and grandkids need me to stick around because we love one another. Can’t have recess to continue my story. Has to be one or the other and that’s it. I chose to stick around and that is what keeps me going. I have two children, a girl and a boy. Both have there kids and do alright for themselves. I had chosen to write this some time ago, even years ago really. I love to be putting my thoughts on paper, it makes me feel like I’m accomplishing my dream.. Letting others know what I KNOW!! I’ve been overseas, several different states but never Hawaii.. 

 

Dayton and raised until I turned 17, old enough to join the service. Decided the Air Force so it was time to make a change over the 17 years old houseman that I was. Joined up on the 23rd of February 1973. Flew to San Antonio Texas for my basic training. Contrary to what I thought it was a hell hole.  Wanted to break a leg so I could whimp out of the training. It was a bit more than I was expecting. I did get a body out of it. Lost a few pounds and gained muscles and I was indeed fit and ready for anything that got in my way. Dayton and raised until I turned 17, old enough to join the service. Decided the Air Force so it was time to make a change over the 17 years old houseman that I was. Joined up on the 23rd of February 1973. Flew to San Antonio Texas for my basic training. Contrary to what I thought it was a hell hole.  Wanted to break a leg so I could whimp out of the training. It was a bit more than I was expecting. I did get a body out of it. Lost a few pounds and gained muscles and I was indeed fit and ready for anything that got in my way.  Dayton and raised until I turned 17, old enough to join the service. Decided the Air Force so it was time to make a change over the 17 years old houseman that I was. Joined up on the 23rd of February 1973. Flew to San Antonio Texas for my basic training. Contrary to what I thought it was a hell hole.  Wanted to break a leg so I could whimp out of the training. It was a bit more than I was expecting. I did get a body out of it. Lost a few pounds and gained muscles and I was indeed fit and ready for anything that got in my way.  I was not a trouble maker, just one that had many parties. BYB was the only rule. Today the only thing I accomplished was wash the dishes and cook. Nothing that happened was a good work out. Physical fitness is a have to everyday. If I do this it’s going to make me think positive in everything I do to get done. I love everything that includes me!! All I accomplished besides the house work, was watch TV. Love watching movies! Seems to increase my attention for the good. Puzzles work good, cards are good and it all makes a difference. I can honestly say it all works, keeping substances out of the mind. It will work for anyone who has the strength to keep on keeping on for 1 day at a time. Give this message near to your heart and you will believe it will most definitely. I want you to help yourself everyday. You will not fail. Promise!!!  This morning Ida had a  problem with her right eye. It was glued shut.

 

I’m about through writing but if an idea should pop up, I’ll be sure to pass it along. Might have mentioned this but I want this working for the whole wide world to achieve their own inabilities to achieve their own addictions and be free from all that’s not good for anyone. Even the straight ones from all the no good.

 

It’s been gratifying to do this for me and so good luck in your ventures forever. So I will take her to see her eye Doctor maybe as early as tomorrow. I have to work on getting my respect back on my side. I lost the relationship with my then wife and I can’t do again. “NEVER”. I’ve learned that a woman needs love and compassion if it’s going to happen forever. It’s been gratifying to do this for me and so good luck in your ventures forever. So I will take her to see her eye Doctor maybe as early as tomorrow. I have to work on getting my respect back on my side. I lost the relationship with my then wife and I can’t do again. “NEVER”. I’ve learned that a   woman needs love and compassion if it’s going to happen forever. Including sex and that’s always good, I never forever if we wanted it. Marriage is a sacred thing and it will work for everyone if you want it. The babies will come and you’ll be loved and gain self confidence plus respect.   woman needs love and compassion if it’s going to happen forever. Including sex and that’s always good, and never forever if we want it. Marriage is a sacred thing and it will work for everyone if you want it. The babies will come and you’ll be loved and gain self confidence plus respect.    woman needs love and compassion if it’s going to happen forever. Including sex and that’s always good, and never forever it if we want it. Marriage is a sacred thing and it will work for everyone if you want it. The babies will come and you’ll be loved and gain self confidence plus respect.

 

It is about time to switch gears.. I was as I said in the beginning, I was diagnostic with my Disease back in 1998 in Atlanta. I was treated there at the VA for a hernia repair a few months earlier before I found the bad news. Scared me for sure!!! So when I was seen by the GI department and was told to stop drinking plus given meds for my condition.  Weeks went by turning into months. The DRS would always ask me if I had stopped drinking. Of course I’d say yes. They could smell it though and say “no you have not”. Busted slap cold period.. The meds had good effects but I would keep on drinking I wasn’t going to get any better. I did say to myself, “that makes a lot of sense”. However being stubborn all my life I just ignored the warnings.   

 

Weeks went by turning into months. The DRS would always ask me if I had stopped drinking. Of course I’d say yes. They could smell it though and say “no you have not”. Busted slap cold period.. The meds had good effects but I would keep on drinking I wasn’t going to get any better. I did say to myself, “that makes a lot of sense”. However being stubborn all my life I just ignored the warnings. It eventually lost me great job I loved. 3 weeks later my brother and sister come down from Dayton to see I could do anything for myself. Took me two full years to get it through my brain that I had a problem that I HAD to fix and after a broken hip, I felt pain for the first time in  my life. Really that’s the nitty gritty.

 

Got sober for one month and fell off the wagon. That is a low feeling bar none. Tried it once more on July 14, 2006 and stayed sober nearly 9 years which prompted me to say something now because there are a lot of people that will find out by themselves. I want to give my experience with the evil drink. If my siblings had not picked me (and my family except ours only son) I know I would have surely died. So now I’ll make note that I owe my brother a sister my life. I MEAN THAT. So if your like myself and have some issues with ADDICTIONS of any kind, please get help!! There are so many solutions that pertain to these issues that there is no reason at all seeking help.

 

This morning Ida was talking about adopting a boy age mid teens. I had not even dreamed of this. But now I’d be interested in such a challenge. I tried and think I was a good parent to my two. They enjoyed growing up and we ATVs. Sure they got hurt a few times but then started rubbing the boos away, just as I did growing up.

 

Yea I’m starting to really think this over. Being in my 60s I’m sure this will work. Getting a wee bit anxious for tomorrow after I check it out on-line. Fact is I’m going to do this tonight. Tell you all tomorrow what I find out. This morning Ida was talking about adopting a boy age mid teens. I had not even dreamed of this. But now I’d be interested in such a challenge. I tried and think I was a good parent to my two. They enjoyed growing up and we ATVs. Sure they got hurt a few times but then started rubbing the boos away, just as I did growing up.

 

Yea I’m starting to really think this over. Being in my 60s I sure this will work. Getting a wee bit anxious for tomorrow after I check it out on-line. Fact is I’m going to do this tonight. Tell you all tomorrow what I find out.

 

Today I have to see the Podiatrist to get my toenails cut. My appointment is at 2:15 pm.

 

Well it’s over with, and I lived it to and the dentist was good PLUS the dentist that worked on me did great work. I can pay him with a trade for his riding mower.  I’ve got this theory that it smell bad I’ll Usually works for me sometimes. I promised to myself that I have to stop writing for a few moments then keep on keeping on. Today I have to see the Podiatrist to get my toenails cut. My appointment is at 2:15 pm.

 

Well it’s over with, and I lived it to and the dentist was good PLUS the dentist that worked on me did great work. I can pay him with a trade for his riding mower.  I’ve got this theory that it smell bad I’ll Usually works for me sometimes. I promised to myself that I have to stop writing for a few moments then keep on keeping on. 

 

I slept like a little bitty baby last night and I’ve been with good spirits most of the day and that’s I ask for me, nothing more. Yesterday I got a call from the VAs emergency room and I had drop them close by but I had been told to pick them up and I said I am getting ready so it would take me maybe one hour so I got there within 15 minutes. I got back all within 1 hour. I was a mess and picked up my medicines, took them when got home, like I said 1 hour.  Now let’s go on short trip who knows, find out when and where’s and bring some bottled water because we may be here awhile. Break time it’s 3pm but I will be back..

 

All ready nobody knows where or what we may find something soon and after  you get your paddles working like wildfire, my mom would say this with us straight through right at us kids and I quote “Shit fire and save the matches”. I will never ever forget her saying this. It’s etched in my head, brain and all. Those were the days when we were young and dumb but full of cum. 

 

All ready nobody knows where or what we may find something soon and after  you get your paddles working like wildfire, my mom would say this with us straight through right at us kids and I quote “Shit fire and save the matches”. I will never ever forget her saying this. It’s etched in my head, brain and all. Those were the days when we were young and dumb but full of cum. Didn’t experience one girlfriend at all except playing spin the bottle and stipe poker now that got interesting till the girl’s had to leave. No excusing aloud period. It was not until October 4th 1974 before I experienced sex  Before I got married that I got devirginized. What a night that also is etched in my brain and I will never ever forget it. Getting myself baptized the very day. There has to be a heaven because I shivered along and sweat my eyeballs out. This wasn’t sex, it was a sweatfest.  I’m thinking that my dad had passed sometime around July 1974, had to go overseas in two months. Sort of a true story shared by me for you to see and read. Need to google a page of the funeral, Just be patient please..

 

Didn’t experience one girlfriend at all except playing spin the bottle and stipe poker now that got interesting till the girl’s had to leave. No excusing aloud period. It was not until October 4th 1974 before I experienced sex  Before I got married that I got devirginized. What a night that also is etched in my brain and I will never ever forget it. Getting myself baptized the very day. There has to be a heaven because I shivered along and sweat my eyeballs out. This wasn’t sex, it was a sweat fest.  I’m thinking that my dad had passed sometime around July 1974, had to go overseas in two months. Let me say this about searching online “it sucks”. It always happens to nice people like the good people at least it does for me. Maybe to many nites with wet dreams I just can’t have a moment without digging a whole in the ground so I can hide in maybe that’s the answer, who knows what I don’t know. I know the answer to who know’s but it has to be the god of my higher power and understanding is the correct answer. If you either trust god or your lost and this is fact because I do believe in god and what he accomplished in 7 days okay. Simple and not hard one little bit. Now that’s what I want for end of my time on earth.

 

Now the people I contacted at Memorial Park Cemetery sounded good it makes me want go to ST Petersburg, Florida and if necessary for me to making a trip south I most certainty make that trip. Believe that Jacks!

 

I fell asleep at about 11pm and woke up to Modern Family on TV, one of my  least favorite shows, I was on the couch while Ida’s in the bed at 11:30 pm so I got in at in 5+ hours of needed  sleep in on the couch. It sounds like I’ll be up the night and you’d be correct if you say, I believe that, you’d be right on.

 

Now the people I contacted at Memorial Park Cemetery sounded good it makes me want go to ST Petersburg, Florida and if necessary for me to making a trip south I most certainty make that trip. Believe that Jacks!Now the people I contacted at Memorial Park Cemetery sounded good it makes me want go to ST Petersburg, Florida and if necessary for me to making a trip south I most certainty make that trip. Can you believe that. 

 

Made to the bedroom at 6 AM only after I fell to for 5 hours on this couch. 5 hours gets me awake but I did crash out. Finally at 6am slipped into bed getting another 6 hours.

 

Two days after I talked to the people at the cemetery called me back saying they couldn’t find my dad’s grave site so I have to recheck the cemetery for another one. What a let down with a ugly smiley face. That’s alright just a little hitch and I’ll get over it.

 

COMPUTERS== Almost everyone has one and use’s it, either at home or work. These devices are somewhat complicated. I consider myself pretty good but great I don’t know. There are certain programs you have to have and most are not FREE, and by golly don’t call the technical department because they will show you all of the programs not running I know this is a big O and it only costs 249 dollars. What a deal, sure jackases. Never mind that crap, this device runs pretty good. Good enough for this simpleton. There are sometimes that the serenity prayer comes in  charge, there are three parts to the prayer. (1) GOD grant me the serenity to accept the things as they are. (2) The courage to change these things I can. (3) And the wisdom to know the difference. Mighty strong but powerful way to get STRAIGHT. Follow these steps you can and will be a better person, inside and out. Trust me okay, it works!

 

Well I got my new and updated drivers installed perfectly. I’m happy now and as far as the technical part. They just lean to get your good hard worked dollars. I am now convinced to that now. Point is don’t think you need everything they say is bad. I’m only saying this because I’ve learned the hard lesson I’ve paid. Anyway back to you readers.

Why I’m going to write.

Why I’m doing this on my own freewill means it’s about the important things I did while growing up. If I continue as I have so far, I think this “My Story 7694” ought to be complete before years end, 2016. So until we chat again, I’d like to say  Thanks to all that have supported me and the comments I’ve received along the way.

Mark E.